Sunday, December 23, 2012
Recently Miz Know It All was taken to task by a young woman for being callus in both her wording and her choice of tone. Both of which are in fact somewhat true. Miz Know It All can, and she often does show a certain hardness usually characteristic of, and evidenced by, those jaded by the passing of time. While that may be true to a certain extent, there are other more compelling reasons she seems so hardened!.
The young woman in question seemed to feel (and rightly I might add) that those of us who have in the parlance "Been There, Done That should be more encouraging to those like herself. That if we, having "Been There, Done That," cannot be more caring, more concerned, that we send a meta message of hopelessness! Again she is right... to a point. For you see there is a conundrum faced by every sister when it comes to what she can and does say on line and how. Because it is not just the few who read these words! Rather our words are tossed upon the winds to be read by Lord only knows who! But this much can be said with certainty! Our words are read with a far greater frequency by those who have created a false narrative from others "borrowed words" than they are read by those for whom their narrative was written into the stone of their lives in letters of blood!
This same Conundrum predates the internet by many many years. In fact the word Connudrum was chosen to describe what it means to face the whole of Transsexuality by the writer, Jan Morris and it is with a nod to her that I would now like to borrow the term to describe a more specific facet of what faces those women of history who would dare to put their words down now in the age of instant media!
For the woman of history in the here and now, the conundrum is this... If the words we would like to say are said in the hopes of reaching the young like the woman who took Miz Know It All to task. Then those same words are also being read by the fifty to one, who, searching for ways to hide their own shame at having issues of gender, cannot and will not put forth their own and true narratives! Instead, they read those accounts of transsexuals who really and truly had no choices in the matter, and with neither the same experiences or understanding, they adopt their words as their own! The perfect example being Jan Morris's most famous catch phrase! "A woman trapped in a man's body!" Prior to the publication of her book that phrase, or anything similar was not to be found in any of the narratives offered either to the public or to the gatekeepers! Yet within months of the book hitting the stands, it was how every single account of gender variance became "a woman born into a man's body!" Now either there was actually a sudden and unexplained emergence of women trapped in a men's bodies in 1974, or the term had been borrowe by those for whom it was not, prior to this, part of their narratives! Oh sure there is to be found a certain ease in this phrase in explaining the unexplainable using this easy metaphor. But the point remains that it is curious how this came about.
An example that is closer to home with Miz Know It All is the Phrase "Always a Woman" Which btw, always grates on her very last nerve, because it is simply dreadful English! One cannot have always been a woman unless one has always been an adult female! Children are not and cannot have been woman! Hence it is impossible for one to have "always" been a woman! Now aside from the bastardization of the mother tongue. The main reason this grates so is that it is a bald faced lie! Miz Know It All was friends with the woman who coined this phrase. A woman of history who went by the Nom de Plume "Kate Grimaldi!" What "Kate" was trying to express more than a decade back was that for those born transsexual! and ONLY for those born transsexual. That once all is said and done, in retrospect, it becomes clear that one has always been a female. One who was dealing with what has to be the most horrible hand possible! When Kate first put this out there, there is no small irony in how she was taken to task over and over again by then nascent TG! Who at the time were not about to give up so easily on having had their former glorious man-selves! They had been born male, they had lived as males, and many of them were, then as now, intent upon retaining that which makes one male! More so, before this idea spread and twisted,, the standard narrative for the TG was that they remembered how this grew upon them! Usually it starting with some sexualized exposure to women's clothing as an erotic device somewhere between 13 and 19 give or take a few years and even then it die not become an real issue until their thirties or later... VS. the TS. who to a one had memories of their being at odds with their genitalia going back to their first explorations of self between two and five!
Yet it is with true regret that I remember how well Kate argued her points! Because shortly after this... "the true narrative of the TG" suddenly and completely changed! No longer was there any mention of by them of ever having been aroused by women's clothing! No longer was there any mention of the age of onset being as a tweener to teener, nor of the other part which was how it had grown in intensity as the years progressed!
No, now, beholding of this kernel of "the TS narrative" hand crafted by Kate and then stolen, morphed and parroted back, "they" all suddenly knew "they were always women" while still in utero! "They had always been women" (female, well now! That was, and is still too much of a stretch for those who quite like having that penis O' theirs don't cha know!!) They now have also always known then and yet, somehow, they, unlike us, have managed to survive and not only that but to survive quite well., Well into their fifties, sixties and beyond! This, if bolstered by how with the age of easy access to info about TS being close to fifty years old, that the age of onset of any "gender crisis"seems to have risen in these same TG! Going from a then old age of, forties fifties to now their fifties and sixties and even later! Again it is always done with stolen bits of narrative. All of it partially digested then parroted back about having always struggled with their HUGE issues... but never does it seem to jive how these issues could have been that HUGE or that much of a struggle as they seemed to have little to no problem getting it on with the little woman as men every Saturday night for the last thirty some years or more! Yeahhh... they were always women... right...
Miz Know It All was not the only sister to notice this phenomena and so she did what most of us did! We all started to take the serious discussions about ourselves off line. Having our discussions on originations, on explorations and the like. Conversations that can only come to be known from a life time of learning. All of which is said quietly and well out of ear shot of the TG... Because without fail, it seems that every time something of our knowing leaks out, and if it unfortunately makes it's way into the male minds who mine our narratives for such things... The knowledge would be taken, twisted and then parroted back as their bestest and alwaysest knowing, even if they could not at gun point begin to say what any of it really and truly meant!
So therein lies the conundrum! Do we hope for the best and write only for the ears of those whom we would dearly love to have it go to? Knowing that in the telling for those few, that our words would be harvested by the many, to be made over into a knot of lies? A knowing and telling, which in the end would only serve to make the lives of the few all the harder? Or do we keep our fences up and mended? Pray to the gods we might still pray to, that these few might survive alone as we keep our council and those still unknown quantities to ourselves? Only imparting them when we can directly and one to one. If and only if when we can and only for those for whom they are relative? Alas experience has taught that the latter is the only way!
So it is with my deepest apologies to the young woman, that I cannot and will not become the writer she and I both wish I could be!