Sunday, October 21, 2012

Hate

It's often said of Miz Know It All that she hates, (insert gender-issue-group name here) Hate is a pretty strong word and in this case, it's wrong! Oh for sure, Miz Know It All actually does hate a few things in this world! Heading her list would be Braised Sea Cucumber in Fish Sauce! If you've never had it, count yourself very very fortunate! Besides, Miz Know It All really should have known, when the first, the waiter, the Maitre d', then the Owner of the restaurant all in quick succession came to her and said she would not like it, that they may have had her best interests at heart after all!.

Anyway, after Sea Cucumber, I think the only thing that she actually "Hates" in this world is the loss that comes with death! Something about how the beauty, intelligence and love that was once embodied in a living being is forever lost sets Miz Know It All's teeth on edge like nothing else... I hope you notice a trend here campers! This so far is a very short list and these things are sorta the same... they are both indigestible!

While Miz Know It All also finds (insert gender-issue-group name here) to not exactly be at all palatable, they don't quite reach the level of what she would consider to be indigestible and so, they are not hated by Moi! Really! I do not hate (insert gender-issue-group name here)! That said, it's pretty likely that also I do not understand you and there is much about what you do that pisses me off, but for all that, I do not, repeate, do not hate you for it!

Let me explain! No matter if you've read Benjamin, or Vitalie, or Blanchard, or for that matter anyone who has studied (insert gender-issue-group name here) at length, the one thing that always comes clear in the wash is there are three different groups, Two of which are pretty similar, and one which is only sorta the same, kinda like how in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams describes a tempid brown drink "which is almost but not entirely unlike tea."

The first group, when born it would seem, knows beyond all certainty that a terrible mistake was made and they insist that said mistake must be set to rights like now,
The second is more of the "uhhh...waiter? this isn't at all what I ordered!" variety, who, for a time, given that the very surly waiters (read parents, teachers and everyone else in their lives) sorta intimidate the snot out of em. Will try their very best to eat the gross canned tomato soup with stale crackers they were given when they know beyond all that is good and bad, they ordered fresh gazpacho! But it matters not if they manage to only eat one or two spoon fulls of the palp, or even a few dozen, they will also eventually say "enough,"  drop their forced manners and call the surly waiter to the table where they too will insist, and quite forcefully, that this be set to rights like now!
The third, near as she can tell is more about the acting out of some aspect of gender than their being in anyway the wrong sex. Because for them, it would seem, it is more their role in life as it was handed them just doesn't fit who they are! It might be something as innocent as they like to play dress up, a very harmless past time, but one which adult men are not allowed to do! It might be that they can only get their rocks off if they are thinking about women's panties or if they are thinking about themselves as sorta abstractly being women, it might be that they have always envied something  else of the other sex, the hair, the ease in certain things, the bodies... it matters not in the end, because it still comes down to there is something that they see in the other sex that they do not have and they want it! Again, despite popular opinion to the contrary, Miz Know It All actually has like zero problem with folks making their world and their "gender" fit them better! Really! She doesn't! As long as their doing it does not require her to have to change her own world all that much to accommodate them, then whatever they want to do is just peachy with her...

Ahh but that's the rub isn't it? The nasty little devil that is always in the details! The third group it seems is insistant, not only upon redefining the very nature of what is female, but they also insist that the few who make up the first two groups simply must come and play with them no matter what! That somehow, because the first two groups were born with the same "things" as they, that we all must be the same! In fact, they will go out of their way to insure that not only do the first two know this, but that the whole world knows this as well! "We are all the same! We are all the same!" This is their to arms rallying cry! Or, in a rather perverse twist on "ignore the man behind the curtain," they will actually reverse that cry and make out that the first two groups actually need a good deal of sympathy because they are some sort of uber defective that needs to be pitied for having to go to extremes like surgery that they didn't! So.... poor things, they simply must be included as a minor part of this big happy family "for their own good!"

Sorry, but being forced to be part of something that you don't want to be and aren't, just isn't playing very nicely is it? In fact, their doing so much produces something rather much like the discomfort that the third group seems to feel because the rest of the world imposes that same thing on them... but somehow, it's ok when they do it to others... hummmmm...

Why is that do you suppose? I know, and so do you! Julie Serano, being singularly honest as one of "our activists," actually had the decency to spell it out once, but only once... as she put it (paraphrased) if the third group doesn't have the first two, (read that as the groups who are normal in every aspect of their lives other than being able to reproduce) to be their "front man" to the world, then things are certainly gonna be way harder for them to face that same world! So like it or not... "we don't want things harder, so tough noogies one and two, we ain't a-gonna let ya go!" Still, while this is so supremely annoying like you cannot believe, it still does not quite raise Miz Know It All's ire to the level of hate... What does, and what makes her so damned angry she could spit, is that in the doing of this, two very very bad things happen to the first two groups. Two things which if the latter group is even aware, they certainly pay no heed to!

The first, is that they will make damned sure that their message,  you can't have your dreams is heard by every-last-one in the first two groups whether they already heard it or not! That even having those sort of dreams makes you unfair, elitist, even privileged and definitely a hater if you will, all just for wanting those dreams! Listen! No matter what you think you know, or that you have heard! Being part of the first two groups is not some sort of privilege! It's more akin to having been given a horrible deforming cancer which you have only a narrow window of time to correct before it kills you. This is not hyperbole on my part!If this issue of being the wrong sex is not fixed, death is a certainty!

But what does "fixed" mean? For the first two it simply means that every aspect that was wrong is excised from their lives! EVERY ASPECT! ... shall I say it again? EVERY ASPECT! Again, just like a cancer, not a single cell of that wrongness can be left behind! Sure there will be scars from the procedure, there always are, but they are minimal, and once the healing is done, they will fade from sight and memory, and a perfectly normal life can and will be had... The members of the first two groups can, if they undeterred from the very hard work that lays before them, actually come to have that husband, the 2.4 kids (adopted) and the white picket fence they always dreamed of. These are all very realistic goal for the members of the first two groups, well I should say they are as realistic as they are for anyone! But they are not at all realistic and never will be, if during that horrible and painful beyond all you can imagine time of trying to set things to right, the message of "you can't" from the third group is heard just one too many times. It is far from easy to fix this thing... particularly for the second group, cause they by not insisting then and there, have all these added issues that came about, because unlike the first group, they stupidly didn't refuse the wrongness right out of the gate! Rather they wasted time trying to play nice and accept the icky disgusting thing set before them knowing that the surly waiters are going to do their best to not have to take it back, and they, the surly waiters, are very very good at what they do! They know that these "waiters" will use every trick in the book to insure that a member of either of the first two groups served by them is not going to leave there without paying for a meal they did not not want or did not order, and so, the ONLY thing that there is that will get you out of there with all the wrong set to rights is the unwavering belief that you can do it!  Take that away from them? All you have done is to postpone the inevitable death simply because the cancer was not excised!So ya know? Robbing folks of their hopes and dreams and inviting them to a life of misery and eventual death is so not a very nice thing and so, that too joins the short list of things which Miz Know It All hates!

The second part of this is, that by (insert gender-issue-group name here) constantly and quite wrongly asserting to the entire world that we are all the same. Something which is always done for reasons which do not and cannot in anyway benefit anyone but members of the third group! They have set up this very ugly situation where even if and when the message of  "you can't" is ducked... The members of the first two groups are sure to be left in an increasingly precarious situation where even if they do manage to everything right... Even if they pay the blood price and do the back breaking work, their hard won dreams can still be taken from them by a world, which like them, has also heard that "all the same" message just a few too many times! So even if a young girl fights her way past all the horrible things that lay between her and success, including all those out there telling her she can't! Emerging seemingly unscathed on the other side of a hell you cannot possibly begin to imagine, and ready to take up a perfectly normal life... The knowledge of her past which is tainted by the third group, becomes an ever increasing monster lurking there in the shadows, and it does this because of this reinforced tie to her not being female but to of her being something "other!" ie? male! This means that despite her best efforts, everything she ever wanted or worked so hard for can all be yanked from her in the blink of an eye!

She may have that wonderful husband, who tried! He really really tried, but  he is mortal and he also has heard one time too many that we are all the same, meaning, we're all queer! We're all LGBT! See? Lesbian, GAY and Transgender... All the same! So he finds himself torn, even though he loves her with all his heart. He just cannot look at her, his wife, ever again as being female knowing that the whole world thinks him a flaming homo for being with her! Her kids? The reason she gets up in the morning, the thing which she adores and lover more than anything in the world can even be taken away from her by courts which are not at all sympathetic to her being a female, because they too have heard this message of "impossible," one too many times. Or her kids might not even be able to be adopted by her because of it! Jobs can and will be lost, Careers derailed, friends which held her trust for for decades come to shun her! The casual gawkers by the score will come out of the wood work and suddenly, she will find she's become the topic of the week round the water coolers all over town... "Did you know that ______ was really a dude? Yeah, way! He's like a dude! I kno! Me too! Like I would have so boned him before I knew he was like a dude! Gross! So who knew his husband was like all homo and queer that way?" Having this happen to one of the first two groups is as perverse as having a cured cancer reinserted into your body! It's sick! It's twisted! And it is cruel beyond all possible measure! So, for insisting solely for your own benefit that we are not female, and never will be or can be anything than an other, is so incredibly mean, that this too lands on the short list of Miz Know It All's hates!

So there you have it! While Miz Know It All really is an accepting and very tolerant person who would be more than happy to do all she could to support the members of the third group in their quest for expanding their lives! But for the fact that their quest seems to involve the complete denial of any and all support for both her needs, and more, for the young ones coming behind her! She finds herself in the uncomfortable position of having to choose between the lesser of two evils, and so she, like all humans, chooses her own tribe! Sorry if that feels like hate to you, but as long as those two things are on the table and not even open to negotiation, then sadly, she must continue to fight against them and the (insert gender-issue-group name here) folks doing it!

MKIA

16 comments:

  1. I don't believe I have ever seen it spelled out more clearly than this. Thank you, Miz.

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  2. I feel the same, MKIA. I dont hate people who are gender queer or who are part-time women or men who need to express themselves by dressing up in the opposite sex.

    It's just terribly upsetting that many of those folks can't be honest and admit that women dont have penis's and men dont get pregnant. That there is such a thing as a sex change. We can't have dialog when there is no common language or basic facts about life. Facts I'm sure they all secretly know since they live in the same world as the rest of us, but instead choose rhetoric and a party line that harms those of us who walked the path of transition and now live with bodies that match the sex they say they are.

    Valeriedances

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Very good MKIA! I showing how much you value yourself. :)

    A few weeks ago I had a kidney stone removed through a tube in my lower back. I also had a catheter put into my urethral opening. One of the questions the nurses asks before my surgery, was whether or not I am still having menstrual cycles. I have also had through the years, pap smears, mammograms, etc.

    You and your pal C.I., and several other of your anonymous buddies have called people "men" freely, and without concern or regard. Not ever meeting them in person. You, not even giving a shit how it hurts people you don't have a clue about.

    To imagine anyone being so cruel as to act the way you all do is far beyond my expectations or tolerance. But still I try to help others, before any other thing.

    bye

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  5. Hello June dear! How are you going? Stones in your head drop to your kidney? Hope your better now though you're still full of yourself I see. Have a nice day.

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  6. You're the epitome of a hater.

    Someone who will not allow anyone else to live their life, unless they live it in a way that you agree with.

    The only thing I wonder is where on earth you ever got the impression that anyone would want to give you, or anyone else that power over themselves.

    You need to learn adaptability. I suspect that's your real problem - the world is made up of all sorts of people. Some you're going to agree with, some you're not.

    But it's no more your world than theirs, so learn to coexist, or you're going to spend all your time with high-blood pressure.

    But you need to understand that hate stems from familiarity. Nobody hates anyone unless they detect in that other person something that they don't like that's in themselves.

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  7. Curious Jamie,
    Where did you get the idea I have any power to prevent one from doing any sort of damn tom fool thing they want to do with their life, or that I really care? Cause I don't to either!


    What I do have issue with, and if you go back and read, it is the root of everything I have ever written, is the totally chickenshit way that some folks wanting to live outside the norm use this whole "trans-spectrum" nonsense simply so they can hide behind the backs of the young men and women who only want to correct their sex and get on with life!

    Those people are preying on the weakest and least of "our community" by exploiting them for their own selfish gain... Sorry... but it doesn't work and one day they will have to face the hard cold reality that if ya got a dick you ain't a chick!

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  8. While I don't hate the Tee-Gees or their allies, I do hate their actions when they have a negative impact on my identity and my life.

    There is a difference.

    NYF

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  9. Jamie, I have some trouble understanding why you would believe that Miz wants prevent anyone from living the life they want to live. Whatever sorts of people should live in whatever way they want.

    But that is not the issue is it. Reading her post it seems to be that the salient point is that transgender "movement" is co-opting anyone they can get their hands on in order to justify their existence. That's why we are being told "you can't fix yourself because you are like us". It imposes on us a "medical justification defense" which is not part of a transsexual's life. Being transsexual means having a gender/sex incongruence not a "i don't know who I am but I like frilly things/ manly pursuits so I must be x/y". We feel deeply for those that experience this kind of confusion and difficulty. But we do reject any attempts to tell us how we should be viewed, and anyone who says I am like you when in fact they're not.

    Quite as an aside, the call that we are all the same which is implicit in your comment does as much damage to the the gender variant community as it does to the transsexual community. Their health care needs are entirely different. Except that the claim "we are all the same" imposes a "medical justification" model on those that have no need for it. And that, with respect, is at the heart of it all, not hate.

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  10. Jamie gotta gun. Nothing more needs to be said.

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  11. "I have heard the operation condemned by a prominent internist who never saw a single case. He replaced
    knowledge with arrogance when uttering his prejudices. I have heard the results of the operation generally
    minimized by a surgeon and also by a psychiatrist who saw only those doubtful or temporarily unsatisfactory
    cases who came to them for further help. They did not see and therefore did not consider those who were well
    and satisfied and no longer in need of medical attention. It has been my endeavor to avoid these pitfalls." ~Per Anchersen (circa 1956)

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  12. From a biographical profile...

    "At first, patient presents a pleasant, smiling, cooperative façade. He is ingratiating.
    However, one very quickly comes to feel under a great deal of pressure from patient. If there is any suggestion
    of not accepting him fully as a woman, or any hint that all of his requests may not be met, he rapidly becomes
    suspicious and openly hostile. He expects and demands that a great many things be done for him and is
    extremely threatened by the idea that it might be possible for him to do anything for himself.
    The patient is almost obsessed with the idea of obtaining the operation he requests. Although he can verbalize
    that he does not actually believe that this will make him into a woman, still he has many fantasies...

    He does not have a realistic idea of the results of the operation or what
    the future holds for him were this operation performed. He is infantile in his reaction to people - if they accept him
    and agree with him, he likes them; otherwise, he does not. He has a tendency to exaggerate greatly kindnesses
    shown to him, especially by men, and to fantasy and dramatize those into special attentions over which he
    ruminates. He is naïve and vulnerable ..."

    Sound familiar?

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  13. This is an extract from Harry Benjamin's seminal book "The Transsexual Phenomenum" I'm not sure what the point is that you are trying to make Anonymous. But the concluding diagnosis at the end of that section I now quote :-

    "DIAGNOSIS: Psychopathic personality without psychosis with pathological sexuality. Transvestite; neurotic and
    paranoid features"

    The patient is clearly what we might describe as transgender.

    Cassandraspeaks

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  14. Thank you. My point precisely.

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  15. This is one of the best posts I've read in quite a while (IMO) MKIA.

    For whatever that might be worth to you or anyone else. So; thank you.

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