Friday, May 13, 2011

An Edu-ma-caash-hun!


Hello Darlings!
First I'd like to apologize for any tiny little typos you may find in my wonderful writings! As always with your beloved Miz Know-It-All, if she is ever less than perfect, rare and shocking though that may be, there will be always be a valid reason! And there is! You see the only time she can take from her busy social calendar to share these pearls of wisdom just happens to fall right after the cocktail hours! Given the awesome responsibilities thrust upon her lovely and shapely shoulders, why a cocktail or three is a down right medical necessity. Sadly despite even Miz Know-It-All's vast intellect and amazing poise, a liberal touch of John Barley Corn makes even her deft hand a wee bit off

So! Back to the topic of the day!

About a year ago Miz Know-It-All had the pleasure to watch a delightful film called "an Education" It was the intriguing tale of an English school girl coming of age, who, was rather like Miz Know-It-All at that age! A head strong, curious girl and and more than a little willing to engage in the, shall we say, more risqué side of life? Anyway the title to this lovely film references the lessons that our heroine learns, not from her formal schooling, but from her experiences with the afore mentioned risqué side of life!

Which brings us to the subject for the day! Education, or as the folks in the the Deep South have been known to say, an "Ed-u-ma-caash-hun!" The simple definition of an education is what you get when you stick your fingers on a hot stove... but you do know it really is only an education the first time round darlings, not the second time! The second time? well that's just plain stupid! 

So why does Miz Know-It-All bring this up? Because on a one of her rather recent humanitarian trips through the twisted ghettos of the gender district here in Blog-O-Stan Miz Know-It-All was stuck by the frequency with which she saw this unique word "education" being used! Why it was more popular than  "I couldn't" or even "I'm a victim!" Yet there was something about this words's usage that bothered the delicate  sensibilities of Mis Know-It-All! 

The problem she saw it this ghetto dialog was the same word being used in opposition by the same writers in the same pieces! As in how "they were always educating folks about this gender thing" and yet "folks were not at all educated about this here gender thing!" Ummm not to be picky but shouldn't that be one or the other? I mean how can you have educated someone about something if having done so they have absolutely no education about it? So, despite Miz Know-It-All not having a clue what they were going on about with the whole "gender thing" Miz Know-It-All was delighted! She had a conundrum to solve! Oh joy! You know how much Miz Know-It-All loves a good mystery! 

Alas...with her keen intellect she also has an uncanny way for going straight to the last page, where she discovered to her amazement, the butler did it in the library with a candle stick... Rather interesting to watch I'm sure! I mean that thing is simply HUGE! 

Anyway given that few are as well equipped in the brain department as she, she is just going to have to spell it out for you won't she!  So Dear Ones, the reason folks were saying others who were not so blessed in the intricacies of being a man in a dress needed education, was not that "folks" were lacking in an education, but that the men in dresses tend to catch holy hell for their proclivities! Something Miz Know-It-All would agree with! After all a keen fashion sense is everything and she has yet to see this in anyone from the Men in Dresses Brigades!

Ahhh but how is that a conundrum? Surely it's common knowledge they will mix plaids and patterns, neutrals with neutrals and they do tend to don white before Memorial day and to wear spaghetti straps on wide shoulders, and when they are hugely over weight, as most of them tend to be, they will openly and gladly wear horizontal stripes! Shudder!  Lars! My smelling salts and quickly!

Oh my, that was a close one! So little ones before Miz Konw-It-All suffers yet another attack of damning fashion excess It's time to explain why this is in fact not a mystery or a conundrum or even a mild curiosity, but rather, a shining example of full on stupidity in action! You see, while the Men in Dresses Brigades are out there loudly decrying the lack of an education in others, they are missing the fact that they are supplying an full and complete diploma certified education to anyone and EVERYONE they encounter! They educate by the way they mince round acting like a loons on a divine mission from God. They educate by the way they proclaim loudly as only a man would about "their rights as women" and they educate by demanding center of the universe attention, as only a man would! Saying their piece with a mans voice, from a mans body while wearing ill fitting and terribly unfaltering garb that no self respecting woman would be caught dead in. Clothing and mannerisms alike that only serve to  accentuate the glaringly obvious fact that they are indeed... not women...  But most of all they educate by doing these things and then insisting the whole time that despite what they look like and how they sound and despite what the folks they interact with have known about them for fifty plus years that they they ARE women! God forbid you do not address them as such and with the proper pronouns and respect! "Oh? My Five O' Clock shadow? Hey! F88k You Buddy! You're a f88king intolerant transphobic bigot for pointing that out! Why I've half a mind to take you outside and settle this!" Cause I'm a woman! W-O...M-A-N! let me tell ya again! Sorry Miz Know-It-All so loves that song!

Anyway the problem as I see it is not as the Men in Dresses assume it to be... That being the general public being uneducated in the ways of the Men in Dresses... The problem is actually the reverse of that. The Men in Dresses have been quite active for the past two decades giving the general populace a full and complete education in what a loon wearing a dress is, why they are loons and why they are wearing a dress and best of all? How best to spot one! So as she surmised, it is not an issue of education, rather it is an issue of a bus full of idiots armed to the teeth with high-powered guns they have no business owning, taking very VERY careful aim, then shooting themselves and everyone like them squarely in the foot!

Sigh... and with that distressing indication of yet another whole segment of the male of the species  devolving into a fetish driven reality, I believe a second cocktail hour is order.. Lars? More Appletini's and hurry please!!

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