Tuesday, May 31, 2011

What She Said!

Morning Campers!
Well well well! I do believe the summer season in America has officially started. Not that it makes much difference to the inhabitants here on the Island where it's always summer the year round, but one still likes to keep tabs of such things, if for no other reason thatnto not slip up and say... miss Christmas! Fortunately for all of you out there, Christmas is still six months out which leaves you with plenty of time for that all important shopping, and remember! Diamonds and cash fit me perfectly!

Now usually I like to start out my week with a bit of humor, and usually, my week starts on a Monday but being as this was the American Memorial Day weekend and Miz Know-It-All was very very busy doing her part in supporting the men in uniform and the men out of uniform.. Well, Monday kinda came and went...

So for your TUESDAYS entertainment here are some more of those wonderful Transsexual jokes I've found.

My sister went into a hospital for a sex change but all her HMO  would cover was a rolled up sock for her pants, a TV remote, a case of Busweiser and they taught her how to fart.

Bloke went to the doctor and said: "doctor doctor, I want to have a sex change."
"OK," replied the doctor and he arranged for the operation to take place. The man's bits were duly chopped off, breast implants put in and a few months later Damien was transformed into Doreen.
A few months after that Doreen went back to the doctor and said: "doctor, doctor, I've changed my mind, I don't like being a woman and I want to go back to being a man."
"OK," said the doctor and arranged for the operation to take place to turn Doreen back into Damien. But the day before the operation, the doctor got a phone call from Doreen. "Doctor, doctor," she said, "I want to stay as a woman, I've changed my mind again."
"Typical woman," replied the doctor

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Taint My Problem!

Hello Campers!
Miz Know-It-All, as has been her bent of late, was wandering one of the many many interesting side roads of Blog-O-Stan when she stumbled upon someone who actually made sense! I know! Yes  this girl actually made sense! Dear One's, trust me! I feel your astonishment! Came as quite the shock to yours truly too! Oh but wait it, gets even better! No really it does! Not only did this person make sense in her erudite  post, but when it came  round to the usual "oh, me too! me too!" comments? Well hush my mouth if this girl just didn't keep right on making sense! I tell you what folks, if she continues on that tack, refeshing as it may be, I'm betting she gonna get her pretty little butt kicked right outta Blog-O-Stan! After all the cardinal rule of Blog-O-Stan and it's many principalities, as Miz Know-It-All had it "splained" to her was that nothing in Blog-O-Stan has to make the least bit of sense and NONE of it is the least bit funny! Come on Darlings stifle the laughs, Come on! This is serious! No really, oh shoot... I can't take it any more! Oh dear, I can't stop laughing, Sorry! Give me a moment...Oh... wow I needed a good laugh! How about y'all?

So! Who was it out there actually made sense and what did she say? Sorry! I know you are dying to know but you're just gonna have to wait Dear Ones cause Miz Know-It-All in her vast wisdom has something else way way more important to discuss first! That is; Miz Know-It-All has just learned that you must address folks as to whom they "identify" as and you have to do it each and every time you interact with them! Yes Dear Ones, You, yes you, my poor Dear Readers are gonna have to stop and ask each and every person who crosses you path from now on as to what they feel like at this very moment and you also have to know exactly how it is they wish to be addressed! That is unless you too want to be a labeled like Miz Know-It-All was as a xenophobic elitist essentialist with passing and parking privialedges! Who knows?  I mean to you they may look like a dumpy old balding attorney in a bad wig when they really feel rather more like a nice fried fruit pie today, instead of being a dumpy old balding attorney in a bad wig! Whats more, they may harbor an intense desire to be addressed as Your Most Grand Exalted Poohbah and it's your moral, ethical social responsibility to do this for them!

But you know? While I am entertaining this thought? I'm really not quite sure what pronouns one would use to follow up on that? Zither perhaps? Hither, Shazam? You got me this time Sweeties! What do you think? Anyway what brought this to my attention, was attached to the post and comments that actually made sense.. was one that was, as is the rule in Blog-O-Stan made no sense at all. This comment was written oddly enough by an afore mentioned dumpy old balding attorney in a bad wig! What a coincidence!
Anyway this dumpy old balding attorney in a bad wig made made it abundantly clear that in all hizer graciousness zindo has drawn out a time line for when zitsot is going to be a woman rather than be a fruit pie, and every last one of these poor people in hizono'z life has exactly two years to, and I quote "get with the program!" Yep! If in two years time, they have not taken their crazy pills like good boys and girls and so, see hizon as a female trans-Hoo-man and call hertid Ma'am no matter what zizzor looks like. Well! thizer is going to up and write them out of hothir's life! No Really! zinther has give em two years and that's that! After that they have their walking papers! I tell you what! Reading that bout made me burst out crying right on the spot, cause you can so feel the love can't ya?! I know I certainly could!

No Dear Ones' Don't look that way! Miz Know-It-All is just teasing you! She has not lost her marbles nor is she taking crazy pills and she has not the least bit of intention of ever addressing anyone other than what the seem to be! If they seem to her to be female then they will be addressed as female and if they seem to her to be male then they will be addressed as men! I mean how pray tell, short of actually ask each person in her life what they want to be or doing a pants check, is Miz Know-It-All supposta ascertain who is who? Well I tell you how! She is gonna use the same old rules we humans have been using since we came down from the trees to eat a few grub worms and have a nice game of cribbage! Boys are boys and girls are girls and it really taint hard to figure out which is which! Least ways taint hard to figure out here in the real world and frankly who gives a tinkers damn what the rules are over in Blog-O-Stan cause soon as you figure em out it's in the contract they have to change em!

Bottom line sweeties... as a sage sister once told Miz Know-It-All  way way back when she was spending her time paying dues twixt a rock and a hard place, It's up to you to figure out why you are being read and then... it's up to YOU to fix it! So my Blog-O-Stan friends, if you can't cut the mustard as boys or girls, then it's your problem and if you don't want to deal with it why should I?

Now toddle off little ones cause I do believe it's way past cocktail time! Lars? Doubles today please! Oh before you go... here's that link to the blog that made sense as promised!


Monday, May 23, 2011

What She Said!

A Wonderful and great morning to all of you happy campers out there in TV land! And might I add, a wonderful morning to all the rest of you too! Not a whole lot to say today... other than after my latest trek through the wilds of Blog-O-Stan, it seems that now, more than ever, a sense of humor about ourselves is sorely needed. So, boys and girls, for your days amusement Miz Know-It-All presents.... More transsexual jokes!


Dear Sir/Madam, Your transsexual operation was a partial success.

Q: What do you call a female sex change?
A: An addadictomy.

Q What's the most painful part of a sex change?"
A When they cut your salary in half!"

There was a horrible mistake at the hospital! A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead given a sex change! The doctors gathered round his bed afterwards to tell him the bad news!
The patient wailed!" I will never be able to experience an erection again!" "Of course you will be able to experience an erection again" said one of the surgeons. "Only it will be someone else's!"

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Show us your, ahem, "Charms"

Well Dear Ones it certainly has been an interesting week for Miz Know-It-All!

First of all she is proud to announce that She, Miz Know-It-All and her tiny little blog were awarded the title of "Trans-Hate-Site" by the most honorable Mr Wood Spook! Noted arbiter of all things right and wonderful in life as well as Academic extraordinaire, a practiced and well versed crafts-man in the arts of the Sophistic Diatribe ! Miz Know-It-All, gladly and humbly accepts the title and a big Ol' thanks goes out to Mr. Wood Spook!   It's not every day that such an honor is bestowed by such a notable figure in the "trans-community"

Though she is still a little puzzled by this word trans that seems to be attached to everything Mr Wood Spook writes about... So she looked to Webster for guidance and it only made matters worse!

According to Webster the definition of Trans:
Characterized by having certain groups of atoms on opposite sides of the longitudinal axis of a double bond or the plane of a ring in a molecule..

A community of atoms? Atoms of hate? Hummm doesn't seem to make much sense now does it? Oh wait!  Lets see what Websters has to say about it being used as a prefix!

trans- prefix Definition of trans
1 : on the other side of: across: beyond < transatlantic>
 2 a: beyond (a specified chemical element) in the periodic table <transurainum>
    b: usually italic: trans <trans-dichloro-ethylene> compare cis
3: through <transcutaneous>
4: so or such as to change or transfer <transilterate>< translocation>< transamination><transship>
Origin of trans
Latin trans-, tra- across, beyond, through, so as to change, from trans across, beyond

Well I'm glad we cleared that up! And so, it seems that Mr.Wood Spook belongs to a community that is  on the other side of being a community and our own dear little site is beyond hate! Bravo Mr Wood Spook! Bravo!

Now back to the other grand adventure that Miz Know-It-All had this week.

Miz Know-It-All took another trip to Blog-O-Stan! This time she ventured to an interesting little site called Friday Thang,  where she engaged in a rather spirited debate on whether or not a proper young women should wander round the apartment with her breasts uncovered while in the presence of her roomies. one female and one male... Yes I know, Odd as it may seem this was actually up for debate! The reason was that Miz Thang is having issues with her male roomie being able to take his top off in the heat of the summer, and now that Miz Thang is in the process of becoming a proper young woman she still wants to have the same liberty to shuck her top as she did when she was a proper young gentleman!

While Miz Know-It-All will admit there have been more than a few men who've seen her rather lovely charms in a slightly more intimate setting, she is still firmly of the opinion that a proper young woman should cover herself while in front of others. Particularly when the other is a male roomie, who by the way has indicated to Miz Thang that for her to wander round topless makes him uncomfortable! Miz Know-It-All even consulted with some other women of her acquaintance, then consensus reached, advised Miz Thang of this was really not a kosher thing for a young woman to do, and then she kindly suggested some of the cooler alternatives for maintaining ones modesty!

Miz Thang replied that she is a lesbian, though what relevance this has to showing one's goodies was not clear, and that it is "anti feminist" for Miz Thang to have to follow a double standard... Well Dear Readers as you well know Miz Know-It-All is a patient woman so she once again calmly explained to this young woman that this is just not acceptable behavior and that in fact that women do have to follow a different standard than men... Which was, as you can imagine, was greeted with less than an enthusiastic response by Miz Thang. Whom it seems by now is dead set bent upon showing this young man her goods!

Oh Dear! What followed next was not Miz Know-It-All's finest moment! She lost her cool and explained in black and white exactly what the young woman was doing! Oh my So unlike Miz Know-It-All but it was early, she hadn't have her coffee yet and so she was just not in the mood to deal with such foolishness kindly!

Ahh but it paid off, as this was when the Notable Mr Wood Spook chimes in and pronounces Miz Know-It-All as being beyond hate! So buoyed by this new development Miz Know-It-All redoubled her efforts to protect the Windy City and this young woman from herself... Alas she is sad to say that it was all for naught! Miz Thang it seems has no desire to become a proper young woman as Miz Thang was so kind to adivse Mis Know-It-All! Miz Thang seems to rather enjoys being different than the rest and so by god she is going to show this young man her goodies come hell or high water and it's his problem if he is so puritanical that he cannot deal...

Sigh... and another one lost to the wilds of "Genderland!"

Oh well I've included a link to Miz Thang if you want to follow and sing along with the bouncing ball Dear Readers, but for now I'm simply exhausted and I do believe it past high time for Moi to head to the pool for another cocktail and a cooling dip!


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Man! I feel like a woman!

Oh no! It's never about men with fetish they say! It's always about "a girls" gender expression and "her trans-identity!" Honey? Miz Know-It-All is here to tell you, it ain't nothing of the kind! That is a man behind that mask! A pecker swinging fella hiding out in his bedroom, shades pulls as he gets his jollies playing girl. Preening and primping infront of the camera and the cyber world in his very own latex girl mask! Soon as he is done with the show he is going to be jumping right over onto that bed behind him and goings to town with his first true love, his right hand! Ok, so maybe he'll use his left! Miz Know-It-All, if she is anything is certainly not a "right-hand-ist".

Well anyway dears, no matter, rightie or leftie, if you're gonna be peddling the Trans-Continuum, Gender-Spectrum, and Trans-Umbrella and all the while looking to fully assimilated and complete women such as Miz Know-It-All to tie your cart to... She's got news for you!. Before you start heading our way I do believe it past the time for you to turn and embrace these neglected and scorned 'sisters." Lest it be you who is the one guilty of the intolerant, elitist, transphobic sins  you so readily pile upon our lovely heads!

Besides, wouldn't you as a fellow "Trans-Person" be more than proud to have this oh so lovely T-Girl and her/hir pretty pretty mask join you as a sister at your work, or at your social gatherings? And lets not forget your familial gatherings either! I'm certain as a tolerant and accepting person, you would love to have her over so you could "educate" Mom and Dad, Grandma and all the cousins aunts and uncles about all things 'trans" as you celebrate the holidays!

Hey, and don't come whining to me about it, cause it was ya'll who created this mess... I'm just pointing it out!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Miracle of Modern Science!

Disclaimer... Miz Know-It-All realizes some of her readers may be a little sensitive to some of the more intimate nature of human bodies, so she's giving fair warning that to some, the below example of a Miracle of Science is perhaps a little graphic for their tastes, but she trusts as you are all adults you are as knowledgeable of such things as is she! If not then you may wish to leave now.

Is Miz Know-It-All really has been out of the loop! Whats more, she is not at all ashamed to admit it! Why she was still under the mistaken assumption that if one was not equipped with a Va Jay Jay at birth and one should have been equipped with such a thing as a Va Jay Jay at birth then one would need to undergo costly and rather uncomfortable surgery if one was to get one! Not any more my lovelies! Now, through the Amazing Miracle of Science, such a barbaric practice is a thing of the past! Rendered totally and utterly obsolete by Science! For the paltry and insignificant sum of a Hundred Pounds, you too can be the proud owner of your very own Va Jay Jay! Really! I know! Amazing isn't it? And as with any order  that totals over Ninety-nine Pounds, This Miracle of Science comes with a jar of Double Strength Nipple Cream! Dear me! I'm quite certain I've no idea why one would need double strength nipples, but given that do I seem to be behind in so much, perhaps, here in these Modern Times one does have need to have ones nipples be extra strong!

Anyway Little Ones, here in my wonder and amazement at all these Miracles I fear I may be digressing! And I know you, my Dear Readers, as did I, want to see right here and now what Wonders Modern Science has given us! So without further adieu may I present to you the Brand New and apparently Improved, Instant Va Jay Jay!

Just think! No longer do you have to go through the bother and expense, not to mention the hassle of having to lug one of those old fashioned home grown things round with you everywhere you go!  I mean, by what I've learned from just the telly alone. Those ugly obsolete, outdated and old-fashioned models were " uncomfortable, itchy, odoriferous and given to be the primary cause of that not so fresh feeling!" I know! Simply shocking isn't it? Why just looking at the news these days it seems one has to rush right out and purchase a whole plethora of expensive. awkward and cumbersome thing just for the ordinary and every day upkeep of one! Not to mention they are also prone to frequent embarrassing problems that require professional attention! 

Well not anymore! Now, through the Wonder of Modern Science, you too can have a new and vastly improved, not to mention, far more hygienic model at your home or where you work! Why you can even keep a handy spare in the car or in your locker at the gym, and at such a ridiculously inexpensive price, I would strongly suggest rushing right out and purchasing several! Remember! Christmas is coming and they make the perfect stocking stuffer for Mom and Dad and boys and girls of all ages!

Whew! Miz Know-It-All is simply exhausted by all this wonderment, as I am sure are you, so she is going to bid you good day now and retire to the cabana for one of Lar's wonderful soothing drinks and a massage!


Saturday, May 14, 2011

What she said!

Bonsoir my Dears! What a interesting day it has been! Poor Lars! He may never be the same! Anyway in a rather uncharacteristically reflective moment I found myself sitting here thinking of something the gifted and talented actress Aleshia Brevard once said. How a woman needs to develop a thick skin and a sense of humor to survive what we went through. Given that both of these items seem to be in exceedingly short supply these days, I thought what the heck and went looking where angels fear to tread~

Ok so maybe, just maybe, I had a little tiny inkling that folks were loosing their sense of humor, but come on now! Transsexuals? Sex change? Men "becoming" Women? Guys dressing like girls, girls dressing like guys? I mean if there aren't more than a few rip snortingly good jokes in there somewhere, then I fear we really are doomed as a species! 
Well! I'm happy to report that we're not doomed, well not quite at least, but it's closer than you think little ones! Really Close! I know! Hard to believe isn't it? With such a rich material how there could possibly be so few jokes to pick from, but Miz Know-It-All is a trouper to the end. So she Googled and Googled and Googled till her manicure was simply ruined! But she is happy to say, that after much hard work and a few cocktails, here are some of the priceless gems she diligently uncovered for your edification my little ones!  Starting with some of the classic's about Christine Jorgenson!

Q: Did you hear about Christine Jorgenson?
A: She went abroad and came back a broad! 

Christine Jorgenson, Mankind's gift to the female of the species!

I hear Christine's sister is going to have a baby! 
Does that make her an aunt and uncle or an ankle?

Christine eyed her new husband and said. I threw away more than that!

Q: Did you hear that Christine changed the theme music to her show?
A: it's now, my Johnnie lies over the ocean...

I heard  Christine Jorgenson made a lovely couple, and it's reported they will be quite happy together!

Q: Did you know that Christine's whole life is a live theatrical production? 
A: It all started with her opening!

Remember the Korean war? Christine was chosen as Miss Neutral Zone 1953!

Whew! And that I do believe is enough for today don't you my Darlings? After all, given the current complete absence of any humor this days, it stands to reason we should be very careful about how we portion it out lest you, my Dear Gentle Readers be left twitching on the floor with embarrassingly emptied bladders! There will be more to follow, I promise!


Friday, May 13, 2011

An Edu-ma-caash-hun!

Hello Darlings!
First I'd like to apologize for any tiny little typos you may find in my wonderful writings! As always with your beloved Miz Know-It-All, if she is ever less than perfect, rare and shocking though that may be, there will be always be a valid reason! And there is! You see the only time she can take from her busy social calendar to share these pearls of wisdom just happens to fall right after the cocktail hours! Given the awesome responsibilities thrust upon her lovely and shapely shoulders, why a cocktail or three is a down right medical necessity. Sadly despite even Miz Know-It-All's vast intellect and amazing poise, a liberal touch of John Barley Corn makes even her deft hand a wee bit off

So! Back to the topic of the day!

About a year ago Miz Know-It-All had the pleasure to watch a delightful film called "an Education" It was the intriguing tale of an English school girl coming of age, who, was rather like Miz Know-It-All at that age! A head strong, curious girl and and more than a little willing to engage in the, shall we say, more risqué side of life? Anyway the title to this lovely film references the lessons that our heroine learns, not from her formal schooling, but from her experiences with the afore mentioned risqué side of life!

Which brings us to the subject for the day! Education, or as the folks in the the Deep South have been known to say, an "Ed-u-ma-caash-hun!" The simple definition of an education is what you get when you stick your fingers on a hot stove... but you do know it really is only an education the first time round darlings, not the second time! The second time? well that's just plain stupid! 

So why does Miz Know-It-All bring this up? Because on a one of her rather recent humanitarian trips through the twisted ghettos of the gender district here in Blog-O-Stan Miz Know-It-All was stuck by the frequency with which she saw this unique word "education" being used! Why it was more popular than  "I couldn't" or even "I'm a victim!" Yet there was something about this words's usage that bothered the delicate  sensibilities of Mis Know-It-All! 

The problem she saw it this ghetto dialog was the same word being used in opposition by the same writers in the same pieces! As in how "they were always educating folks about this gender thing" and yet "folks were not at all educated about this here gender thing!" Ummm not to be picky but shouldn't that be one or the other? I mean how can you have educated someone about something if having done so they have absolutely no education about it? So, despite Miz Know-It-All not having a clue what they were going on about with the whole "gender thing" Miz Know-It-All was delighted! She had a conundrum to solve! Oh joy! You know how much Miz Know-It-All loves a good mystery! 

Alas...with her keen intellect she also has an uncanny way for going straight to the last page, where she discovered to her amazement, the butler did it in the library with a candle stick... Rather interesting to watch I'm sure! I mean that thing is simply HUGE! 

Anyway given that few are as well equipped in the brain department as she, she is just going to have to spell it out for you won't she!  So Dear Ones, the reason folks were saying others who were not so blessed in the intricacies of being a man in a dress needed education, was not that "folks" were lacking in an education, but that the men in dresses tend to catch holy hell for their proclivities! Something Miz Know-It-All would agree with! After all a keen fashion sense is everything and she has yet to see this in anyone from the Men in Dresses Brigades!

Ahhh but how is that a conundrum? Surely it's common knowledge they will mix plaids and patterns, neutrals with neutrals and they do tend to don white before Memorial day and to wear spaghetti straps on wide shoulders, and when they are hugely over weight, as most of them tend to be, they will openly and gladly wear horizontal stripes! Shudder!  Lars! My smelling salts and quickly!

Oh my, that was a close one! So little ones before Miz Konw-It-All suffers yet another attack of damning fashion excess It's time to explain why this is in fact not a mystery or a conundrum or even a mild curiosity, but rather, a shining example of full on stupidity in action! You see, while the Men in Dresses Brigades are out there loudly decrying the lack of an education in others, they are missing the fact that they are supplying an full and complete diploma certified education to anyone and EVERYONE they encounter! They educate by the way they mince round acting like a loons on a divine mission from God. They educate by the way they proclaim loudly as only a man would about "their rights as women" and they educate by demanding center of the universe attention, as only a man would! Saying their piece with a mans voice, from a mans body while wearing ill fitting and terribly unfaltering garb that no self respecting woman would be caught dead in. Clothing and mannerisms alike that only serve to  accentuate the glaringly obvious fact that they are indeed... not women...  But most of all they educate by doing these things and then insisting the whole time that despite what they look like and how they sound and despite what the folks they interact with have known about them for fifty plus years that they they ARE women! God forbid you do not address them as such and with the proper pronouns and respect! "Oh? My Five O' Clock shadow? Hey! F88k You Buddy! You're a f88king intolerant transphobic bigot for pointing that out! Why I've half a mind to take you outside and settle this!" Cause I'm a woman! W-O...M-A-N! let me tell ya again! Sorry Miz Know-It-All so loves that song!

Anyway the problem as I see it is not as the Men in Dresses assume it to be... That being the general public being uneducated in the ways of the Men in Dresses... The problem is actually the reverse of that. The Men in Dresses have been quite active for the past two decades giving the general populace a full and complete education in what a loon wearing a dress is, why they are loons and why they are wearing a dress and best of all? How best to spot one! So as she surmised, it is not an issue of education, rather it is an issue of a bus full of idiots armed to the teeth with high-powered guns they have no business owning, taking very VERY careful aim, then shooting themselves and everyone like them squarely in the foot!

Sigh... and with that distressing indication of yet another whole segment of the male of the species  devolving into a fetish driven reality, I believe a second cocktail hour is order.. Lars? More Appletini's and hurry please!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Man! I feel like a woman!

A Blessed and wonderful day to you my children! For your edification and enlightenment, may I present  today's Objet de Curiosite'? A  rather and might I say? Most interesting specimen of the genus Transgenderious Potificus Stupididous!  Yes my Dears... This... This, is the face of gender being what-ever-you-say-it-is! And why not I ask! That is most certainly is a woman! She has the uber feminine two day beard. The womanly broad shoulders and girlish gangly structure, and what about those baby making hips! Oh be still my beating heart! Why that's a wide load baby making pelvis if I ever saw one! and then... oh my...that HUGE bulging neo clit! Swoon! Why any Russian Beet Farmer would be quite proud to call him, oppise! I mean her! Wife!

Yeppers my Dears, THIS is the face of woman! The soul of woman! The pure distilled essence of woman, and that it is as it should be! After all you gotta consider if nothing else the tremendous amount of work that went bringing her forth! She had to go shopping! Then...she had her ears pierced! Oh the Humanity! And... P-L-E-A-S-E don't get me started on that darling makeup! It's to die for!

Alas! This lovely flower of femininity lives on the left coast of the mainland, while I, I'm still languishing here in my cabana on the shores of Palmyra Atoll! Oh Well! I certainly hope one of you there in the Bagdad by the Bay is smart enough to get on the stick and like yesterday, cause she certainly ain't gonna stay on the market long! Not a woman like that!

Ciao Darlings!

Monday, May 9, 2011

That's soooo Gay!

Hey guess what? It's the day after yesterday!

So tell me, on such an auspicious day, am I the ONLY one to see irony in the "Men in Dresses Brigade wanting to be part of Gay Inc? I mean come on now! Gay? Really now! Quit fooling Ol' Miz Know-It_all and get real! I would have thought about the last thing, and I do mean the very last thing in the world these men would want is to be part of anything Gay! I mean back in their power suit days would any of them have been wiling to get down on their knees to talk to the sausage? You know, like this, Morrff gromoml hughh? Oh sorry dears, I got lost and well Lars seemed so needy... Now! as I was saying... For what? Like fifty some odd years, why hese fellas to even be a hinting that they might want just a peek at another sausage that was not their own was... how do you put it? Fightin'-words! Yep! Real-live-knock-down-drag-out-fightin'-words! Much less would they say they want to... love it... and hug it... and squeeze it... and call it George!  So ya know, I kinda think we can quickly arrive at a conclusion this here point! They certainly ain't gay!

So... Moving on!

What about them being like all Lezzbo n' Stuff? Hey ya know? I might be onto something there! I mean, they all may have hated the idea of doing the Sausage dance but they always got on about liking the little ladies and the little ladies musta liked them. At least a little cause they had their babies! And, well we all know there certainly ain't nothing like some jumping and humping to get the blood-a-moving in the morning as I always say! Well I also have been known to say Oh God Oh God Oh God... and Yes Yes Y-e-s!...but, I digress!

So, from here deep in the Miz Know-It-All patented MiD (men in dresses) duck-blind. Lets take a look shall we? Oh Joy! Here come one now. Don't ya just love to watch as the Men in Dresses go prancing about their day! And yes! As predicted! Look at that would ya! Yep! I think it fair to say, we can say they do indeed seem to prefer Tacos to Sausages!

But But But... Miz Know it all ain't blind little ones! I mean lookie! why,.... uhhh they's all still gots peckers... and in her vast experience as a Woman of the World, why pecker holders, at least those who are not into the holding of other pecker's peckers, well they prefer tacos 100%! They love it so much so, that the Taco industry has become like mega HUGE! Like some freaking multi billion dollar industry HUGE fer Christs sakes! With the best seller, year after year being the watched Taco on Taco supreme, with or without the extra sauce! And listen up little ones! As a Certified Taco owner, Why, Miz Kow-It-All is very well acquainted with the ins and outs of Tacos! In fact Lars, the Pool Boy was just helping her with her with the in's and out's of Tacos this very afternoon! Rright before she came to talk to all of you lovely people!

Sigh! Don't you agree! He is such a good boy he is! So! Anyway, when Miz-Know-It-All says she knows about Tacos,you can trust Miz-Know-It-All! She knows from Tacos... and she knows all about Taco Jumping too! And what she has gotta say on the matter of that Taco Jumping? Well for one thing, it certainly ain't Gay! Tain't Lezzzbo neither!

See, in order for you to be a Lezzzzbo... well... Gather in and come in close here kiddies cause I'm only going to say this once! Miz Know-It-All doesn't want to strain her voice anymore today... Look, Lars needed a lot of coaching earlier cause he was having problems finding the right spot... Oh poor Lars! Anyway, to be a Lezzzzbo... there is this one l-i-t-t-l-e thing! This one t-i-n-y fiddling little thing...One  teensie weensie little Ol' thang.., and that one thang is... You gotta OWN a Taco before you can be a wanting a Taco! At least if-n' you're a Lezzzbo a wanting a Taco that is! Yeah yeah yeah, I know, you want one, you want one, you always wanted one!!! But Sugar, I so hate to break it to you... but, well you see... the good Lord has given you a Sausage and like all the others with Sausages... well, they too want Tacos! Its like nature and it's like totally different! You dig?

So! You see! Blessed with a rapier like mind, Miz Know-It-All has quickly surmised that the typical MiD ain't a Sausage eater... and as he ain't got no Taco of his own, he tain't no Lezzbo neither...  Hummm.... So why on earth would out MiD want so desperately to be an intrinsic part of this heah Gay Inc when that's all about Sausage on Sausage and Taco on Taco thing and, well, he ain't set up for either of them?

Jinkers! Kiddos, Why I do believe we have us a real live mystery!

Oppsie Sorry Guys! Thats about all the time Miz Know-It-All has today but have faith! She is going to be looking into this very perplexing matter further, and when she has the time, she will indeed elucidate more on her findings! But for now? Why I do believe she needs a bit more attention from Lars! After all, all this writing is such hard work and he is so good for relieving her tension!


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Ducks R You!

You know... as a duly qualified computer owner and a woman, I'm more than a little sick of seeing all this gender theory crap tossed round by men in dresses... Yes Dear, You know who you are! The one down front in the that old frock you got from GoodWill... You, Yes You with the little tent pole sticking up there! Yes I'm speaking to you, and hey you, there in the back too! Melissa is it? My my my such furious action you got going on there...No wonder you had to sit in the back like that! Why it looks like you are drilling for oil with that right hand! Hope you got some sort of lubricant going on there or you are going to be one hurting puppy! Hey did you know that Vasoline is a by-product of drilling for oil? Talk about synchronisity!

Now where was I?

Oh yes!
Sweeties... I really hate to be the one to break it to you but... if you gotta talk about passing as a woman... Well... you ain't! Honest Engine! (my one nod to PC for the day!) You ain't-a-fooling no one! Oh sure... the peasants aren't out there with pitchforks and torches hunting for the twisted monster in their midst... But don't let that go to your head(s) They are being "nice not ignorant!" Hey, and why not? You are actually making their day when you come right down to it! Who do you think is going to be the featured topic of conversation at the dinner table tonight!

You are Sweetie, and it will go something like this!
Rodger! Would you pass the beans... Oh, and the corn bread too... Oh yes... Try the ham it's fresh... Oh, You'll never guess what I saw in the dollar store today? Gravy? There was some guy in there in a dress trying to pass himself off as a woman! No really! Want some butter for that biscuit? Yes I know!  No kidding! It was right here in East Podunk! I don't know who it was, some guy in a dress! I dunno why he was wearing it! No he wasn't with another guy... I mean I am all for gay-n'-stuff but he really was creeping me out! I wish they would keep that sick stuff of their's in the bedroom where it belongs!
Coffee? No thanks I have pie for later!
I mean, thanks to you, they are going to have a long and spirited debate on the moral decline of America and me? Well I get tons of really great psudo dialog to write!

But back to topic! Passing...

Honey you need to get your head out of all those silly transgender blogs and stop going to those gender conventions...  Instead, why not give it a try out here in the real world if you want to get to the meat of this! I mean can you say Photo Shop? Get real Sugar! You are a fat aging guy for Christ Sakes and that dead cat wig from Farah Fashions doesn't hide those shoulder of yours or  your guy walk or that guy voice now does it?

Nope! Not for one second

Now take women.. well they don't have to pass as women now do they? I mean despite the snappy wardrobe, no one in Mayberry was ever asking Aunt Bee if she was once... you know.. a man? The same with Helen Crump. or Thelma Lou! Heck even that ghastly neighbor of her's, Clara Edwards! While that one was more than enough to scare the horses and curdle new milk... Not once did you look at her and say... uhhh ummm guy? Dude! That's a guy! Hey look! Thats a guy!

And that ironicly, was... TV land! Its much much stranger out here where there are huge woman and tiny women fat women and skinny women, women with huge hands and chests and women with weird extra parts and beards... and yet... they don't get read as being men either now do they! And you do... Now why is that you suppose?

It's cause you're not a woman! You're a freaking guy fer Christ sakes! Have pecker will travel! Wake up and smell the coffee Precious! Guys are Guys. Girls are Girls or in laymans terms.. pun quite intended... That means the owner of an outtie or an innie! And whats with this silly argument that we  can't tell cause we don't know what's going on in those darling panties you got from WalMart? It's a given Dear Ones! Boys, well they own a set of the beans and franks, and girls, well they own the counter parts that can get them all the beans and franks they want! It's a given... We don't need to have a look-see in your bloomers cause you are wearing your dick on your sleeve for all to see!

So bottom line... and pay attention here, little ones cause it will be on the test. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, swims like a duck, then an ugly pair of granny panties with bows ain't a gonna make it into a cow!

Laughing at Ourselves

Greetings, and Welcome, to the newest hippest and hottest spot on the great big ol World Wide Web! Why, your just being here makes you so damn cool that... that... 
Well... lets just put it this way Grass Hopper! If I have to tell you how cool it is, than you really ain't so cool after all are you! 
So hey. you figure it out!

Word of warning though! 

This is my blog... 
Mine mine mine, 
It's all mine! 

So as the one with the only really important thoughts here...And the one with the keys to the front door, I get to say any ol damn thing I want to say, and guess what? I want's to say a lot, and well for you that I should! Because, as a duly qualified owner of a computer and a woman with a strong and always correct opinion about all things... It's incumbent upon me (thats a big scary big word for those folks with a public education, what means I gott's ta do it!) to share my lofty pearls of wisdom with you! The slightly porcine-ish-headed inhabitants of Blog-O-Stan! Long may you have the honor to bask in my glory and wisdom!

Most Sincerely Yours!
Miz Know it all!