Saturday, November 5, 2011

Train Wreck Tuesday

Ok, Ok,  you got me! You're right! It's not Tuesday, but with the astounding display of what has to be the basest of humanity that wound it's way round my last as "comments." My not being clued into the right day is the least of my worrys... And hey Tuesday rhymed! Anyway, with what just happened in mind,

I think it past time for Miz Know It All to step in here and play den mother as it seems self regulation is a wee difficult for some of her readers, so here is the Deal-eo My Dear Campers

Starting with this very post I am going to have the occasional open mic just for you!. When that happens PLEASE feel free to post whatever sort of inanity, (or wisdom) you want about Gender, Sex, Sexuality, Alien Gender, Alien Sex, Vegetable Relations, or what ever... and if you don't like each other's brand of inanity, (or wisdom) and I'm quite sure that you won't. Well then feel free to refute their comment and even question each others parentage and or various relationships with barn yard animals if you are so disposed...


From now on there are several things that will be required of you my dear readers! Hush Hush... Don;'t cry! It's not that bad and I do think you all quite capable of it!

1, No screeds! If you really really want a platform to preach to the masses... Well then, go start your own damn blog! If you got as far as to make up such a tome of light for me, then pop on over to Blooger or Wordpress, sign up and enlighten all of us with your brilliance
2, No Hijacking! I don't care if you hate my guts and want me dead... say so! But if you are not smart enough to make that into some sort of connection to the topic. Your oh so insightful and brilliant comment will be deleted! If I am on the border line and cannot quite decide., any comments still in question will be submitted to our panel of blind drunk monkeys and if they too scratch their heads, well then? Out it goes!
3, If you post as Anon then at least have the yables to stick something at the end so we can tell which of the millions upon millions of anons you are! It's really hard to carry on any sort of conversation or even rant when you have sooo many anons! So you ain't got no chutzpa you ain't got no comment!

That's all! See I told you it wasn't going to be bad and as always. Other than the above I am still not going to moderate nor will I ever censor!

So here it is Campers, Your very first open mic so have at it! And please! Don't be so shy this time! Why don't you go ahead and really tell me what you really think!


Sunday, October 30, 2011

Storm Crows

I know this will be hard for many of you to believe, but weird as it may be! It has actually been said and rather frequently in certain quarters of late that Miz Know It All is a terrible person! One who is given to being negative and even hateful! A woman who cannot seem to see beyond her own supposed misery to all the newfound joy in others lives. It has been said that she is incapable of being the least bit happy for those who have found their "true selves." Tis a shame you know! Cause the the reality of Miz Know It All is anything but mean, hateful or joyless! In fact, Miz Know It All is a very delightful person who folks seek out to be near! A woman who is nurturing and full of life and light and certainly the hit at any party!... but that said Miz Know It All is if anything a pragmatist because she has been down many a strange road that few dare to tread and fewer still return to speak of! I think as the expression of the 90's went. When it comes to Miz Know It All she has; "Been there, done that!"

Which is why she really isn't much of a cheerleader when it comes to those just starting out or those who are bogged down in limbo! While she was once in that very place of being wet behind the ears herself. She persevered and made it to the promised land! That said she also knows all too well the incredible toll it took on her and others and the incredible body count that it took to get there! She knows first hand how few in number are those who actually made it to this side!  If you are a real stickler for what it means to "make it" and you count, as she does, making it being one who actually arrives safe sane and sound with all ones marbles intact and accounted for? Then the number of whom she knows who made it as far as she did can be counted on one of her lovely hands with more than a few fingers left to signal the waiter for another round!

Yes it's true... While there are literarly hundreds of thousands who contemplate the trip, There are at best only several thousands who actually give it a bit of a try! Of those several thousands who started, it quickly becomes only a few hundreds as for whatever reason these folks charge on down that path hell bent for leather without really any sense of where they are going!... Which is why most of them will be brought up way short and fast when the going gets hellish and the nights dark! Or to quote Mathew 7:14 "But  small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." While Miz Know It All was indeed washed in the blood of the lamb as were all the proper young girls where she grew up. She herself does not profess to be a Christian but she still recognizes wisdom and elegance when she finds it. In this case Mathew 7:14 is exactly that! For indeed the way in this is narrow and the gate far more than small and there is a damned good reason... Few who set out on this path really have any business doing so!

Those who do, they will be challenged and they will be tested in ways far beyond their worst nightmares. A call will be given to them and when it is their turn if they have even the least hope of success, they must lay everything they had or might have had on the table... When it is to be given back, if it is given back at all, they must be willing to take whatever scrap of before is handed them with a smile and heart felt thanks... To do otherwise is to ensure that like the monkey caught by the peach in the jar with his own greed. They too will loose it all and never will they ever see anything other than the Ghetto of Gender Limbo

So what you say? It really is none of this Miz Know's ~Nothing's~ damned business is it! She has absolutly no right to go sticking her nose into others affairs! If they want to call themselves the Grand High Poo Bah of Tra-La-La and wear toilet paper and foil in their hair, then Honey? That's their damned business and not yours so but the hell out bitch!!... And you may be surprised by the fact that Miz Know It All agrees most heartily!  As a practicing Buddhist she too thinks what you do with your life is your business! Karma is after all a rather personal thing! So if your aim is to muck up it all up... well it was your life to muck up after all!

But... There always has to be a but somewhere doesn't it?

There is this little thing now called the internet (shocking news isn't it?) and it seems those smack dab in the middle of mucking up their lives are usually given to bouts of verbal diarrhea about how simply grand it all is! Why? Because they are to a one, completely and totally inebriated with the narcotic and hypnotic effects of the Pink Fog! That same Pink Fog that makes everything about the "other gender" simply lovely and wonderful! Rose Colored Glasses? Pish posh!  They just don't hold a candle to  ecstatic ecstasy of the Pink Fog  So when you read their blogs or watch their V-logs you get a pretty constant feed of:

Oh My God! I went out today and a guy held the door open for me!
Oh My God! I went out today and the guy behind the counter called me Ma'am!
Oh My God! I went in the store and bought a pair of high heels!
Oh My God! I had diner and the waitress said, ""what can I get for you girls!"

Ok, look I'm  truly pleased that it was fun for you to be treated as if you were really female and I really am happy for you that it was a pleasant experience!... Honest I really am! But fun and playful or not there is less than zero depth to any of these accountings! Where in them is there any real understanding of what a woman's life is truly like?  What of the constant exhausting struggles that all women woman undergo in their day to day lives but gladly do? When it comes to shudder... subjects such as that you can hear the crickets chirp and the mantle clock ticking (hint most women are lucky to keep their nails trimmed much less done up in inch long gels or acrylic!)

But most of all... what is missing in these accountings is any sort of real awareness of just how damned hard it is to start and finish that already difficult race that is a woman's world... being a day late a dollar short and dragging what has to be the mother of all boat anchors! Having lived a lifetime as a male!

The pity in this is that while it is indeed their lives they are mucking up... and as she has said, Miz Know It all agrees is their right to do so...  But... remember those buts? Because of the ease of the internet and it's so wide reach. Others who may searching for that something which is of yet rather undefined in their lives but still missing... Read these glowing magical accounts of a wonderland of acceptance and tolerance and gender fun times that frankly, doesn't exist! They, lacking both perspective and any acceptance of the community they are in or much if any love in the real world read all about our "Community!" There they are, feeling utterly alone, struggling with who they are and how their lives should be and what their sexuality is or who they are attracted to and why... Then to read about how they can instantly become a part of this grand LGBTTQ Community where all are welcome!" A community made up of thousands upon thousands of others who just like like them feel oppressed and victimized and powerless! But! Because of this amazing community not only will they be members but they will actually be cool! Best of all? You don't even have to be homosexual to join! That's right! No former men having to stick those nasty dickie things in their mouths! Just say transgendered and that same straight sexual attraction you had all your life instantly becomes gay! And as transgender is just one big continuum of gender expression,... Well that means damn near anything can be transgendered!

A girl who doesn't want to accept second class or to kowtow to men is transgender!
A boy who wants to be frilly and who likes pink is transgender!
A man who always got a certain joy and sense of pleasure in touching his wife's delicates is transgender!
A woman who likes the feel of mens clothing and wants to drive a pick up truck and a bulldozer is transgender!

Yep! Each and everyone one of them are part of this big grand community! But... remember there is always a but? But these are very real people out there who are reading these glowing accounts and to them, this is like the Syrens of old! Whose alluring song called sailors to a certain and horrid death upon the rocks of reality!

Think me daft? Well, here is a real world result for you!

I just had a dear friend of mine confide in me several days ago (mind you my history is known only to me!) that her daughter is one such soul being drawn to her doom by "the community." Her daughter has had many issues with her socialization and her sexuality, and I will not go into them as that would break a confidence. But lets just say that while daughter may be a lesbian. Even that is seriously under question for this woman/child for whom the only thing certain in her life is  she has no idea who she is, or where she fits into other's life and society!  It use to be that a large part of what college was, was a safe place for kids to try on lots of different hats and personas, often changing them as rapidly  and as passing as a change of the weather...

Sadly when this terribly immature girl went away to college, thinking she might be lesbian, So she blithely decided to join up with that colleges LGBT group, where, rather than finding out at last if she was or was not lesbian, she, feeling quite alone in many ways was seduced by the inordinate amount of attention being paid to all the former lesbian who are now "Men in Transition!" Oh My yes!  These "Men"had community! They had respect and they had cheerleaders! They had purpose! They were soooo cool! So obviously is she starts taking testosterone and getting  "top surgery" that is certain to make all her other issues go away!  Hardly true but that is exactly the line of reasoning she is being spoon fed by others who are just as clueless as she and happy to have the company!

OMG.They cut their hair short and they got called sir!
OMG. They can wear men's clothing and they don't have to shop for hours trying on things!
OMG.They can do man things and no one says they are not being womanly for doing so!
OMG. They don't have to bow to men and their wishes!.
OMG they are surrounded by hordes of cheerleaders and a community telling them how loved they are for being this way!

No matter who she may turn out to be... my friends daughter is most certainly not a transsexual, or even transgender!... Sorry but you just don't get this far without being able to read a newbie like a book in way less than the usual fraction of a second... Having spent hours with this one. My take is she is very likely not even a lesbian but a very straight girl who simply rejects much of what she sees as the female role because she sees it, and quite rightly, as being a restriction on her putting her favorite part, her brain to work!

So rather than her finding herself and working out all the ya-ya's related to her being an extraordinarily bright and gifted young woman who has some serious social awkwardness. She is now locked into a deep and crippling depression by this stupid life and death struggle with is she a man or a woman or what?

Still think it not an issue when you are all doing those rah rahs to one and all? What of this young girl for whom ruin is but a hares breath away? Is it just her karma to work out?  Is that going to give succor to her mother when her daughter commits suicide? Which in this case is all too likely! Will that be of much comfort to either of them, if she is able to snow a a doctor as she is trying so hard to do now that she knows the narratives! Once she starts to take testosterone it will not be long before her body starts to masculinize! If she thinks she was not seen as attractive before? Then pray tell me how attractive a woman will se be with brow ridges, a beard, a males hairline and a voice that comes rushing out of the basement? All of you who went through a male puberty know just how fast the progression was... How quickly your boyish prettiness left to be replaced by body mass acne and facial hair! Her body will change long before she figures out what is what and who is who and by then... it's Johnny too bad!

Sadly this young girl is far from alone in this rush to madness! With the mind-numbingly insane sexual pressure being put on all young girls today to fit into this computer enhanced airbrushed body image. An image that is as physically impossible to achieve as Barbie's figure. Being "butch" is the penultimate badge of shame! Is it any wonder then that mannish lesbian women are now being drawn to "become men" in legions?

Oh well... My know my poor little voice is certainly not going to change much if anything to those trapped in the Pink Fog.  So I will do what I can on this side! I will be the good girl friend and I will listen as my dear friend pours out her grief! I will stand by her when she finally has to hospitalize her daughter, and I will stand by her, when, god forbid she ever has to lay her daughter to rest!

So go ahead ya all! Pour out all that rah rah rah feel good support so that every cross-dresser or gender confused person  out there can join you and go for the whole maghila with less than any idea of what they are getting into! Go ahead and tell em how terribly lovely and nice it is to be a girl (or boy) based upon your few hours of actual experience and I am sure that all those faceless readers out there in Blog-O-Stan searching for that something they themselves cannot define will come to know as you do the sure way to happiness!..

As for those of us left here in the real world? We will keep on trying our best to pick up the pieces of the lives destroyed by your Syren's call. So call me hatefu if it makes you feel betterl! Call me a harbinger of doom and misery! Say that I am a trans-phobic monster feeding on the bodies of my "victims" but until the transgender message is debunked for what it is.. I will never stop putting truth to the lie!


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Oy Vey!

A most pleasant and lovely Good Morning Dear ones! 

For your days amusement I thought y'all might want to know that the thought police have finally! In their infinite wisdom... while as of yet not cognizant enough to figure that Miz Know It All is about as female as it gets... Have in fact figured out that "Miz Know It All" is not really the moniker my dear sainted mother, god rest her soul, bestowed upon moi when I made my debut upon this lovely lovely planet!

Really! I know! Hard to believe isn't it? But Mom really did have a far prettier name for me that she put upon all those pretty pink announcements! A name that yes, I still to this day have, but that said. It was also Mom who named me "Miz Know It All" as it seems she was rather fond of telling me about every five minutes that I was "a little Miss Know It All" whenever I would, as they say in the south, "Back Sass" her! So you see...  it was in my Dear dear mother's honor that I kept and continue to use the name she used most often for me. Cause back then as now I though "Back Sass" was ever so much fun and you know what? I still do!

So for the "investigator" (investigators?) just now getting off the short school bus... take your time dear No hurry! Go ahead and get your helmet and your  meds adjusted first cause this really ain't news! Though I have to admit I am still trying to figure out how it is that one can be considered a sock puppet to ones own self? Does that involve mirrors perhaps? Lord only knows I certainly have enough of those around but darn it! I ain't got nary a sock puppet one! Oh well I guess I'll just have to wait with the rest of you for the "results" of said investigation!


Oh to spare you the work, here is the announcement of this "investigation"  as left on my last post just yesterday!

Investigation pending, but FYI (MKIA) appears to be a sockpuppet of someone who has used at least two other aliases in order to get people to believe that he?/she? is the real deal. Don't expect many more words of wisdom from this one, since his?/her? counterpart has been banned from T-Central (the source of his?/her? amusement). ROTFLMFAO
By Anonymous on Hard and Harsh Realities! on 10/19/11

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Hard and Harsh Realities!

Miz Know It All recently had a bit of a go round  in Blog-O-Stan with someone who, after having taken the rather drastic step of having gotten a sex change seemed rather dead set on saying in a rather less than round about way that her reasoning must have been faulty because everything about being a woman for her is all a lie! That no one could ever really possibly succeed at changing their sex, so we should all just give up and admit defeat and accept our less than life... just like her! While I do think this poor soul has been deeply hurt and because of that she was trying to garner some sympathy, cause gosh darn this is really hard and painful! She was getting neither from me and from others as well! I wonder why?

Lets look at that shall we? No really? You think it's hard to do this? Really? Geee! I wonder what other hot breaking news did she could have shared with us? That the sun comes up in the east? That water is all wet, and that playing in traffic causes one to break out in death? Franky Miz Know-It-All is of the opinion that this person really should have thought long and hard about all that long before she set about tearing her life apart and certainly long before having a sex change!

Do you think Miz Know It All terribly harsh for saying this?

Well, as you may have gathered Miz Know It All is not one given to throwing pity parties! Throwing parties in general? Oh My Yes! She loves em and anything, including that it is Tuesday is a great reason to have one! But... for her to sit there and say "awwwwww poor baby? there! there!" Nahhhh!

You see. way, way,  w-a-y  back when Miz Know It All started her journey she was fortunate enough to find guidance beneath the wings of a few women who, having actually gone the distance many years before her, were back to offer their hard won wisdom to any and all who wanted to know the way! (ironic only in that they were rebuffed for being foolish and stupid by the chorus of nay sayers who swore up and down that it was impossible to do the very thing they had done!)

Anyway! While all of them were, and still are very caring women. Which after all is why they had come back! Nary a one of em ever did the "awww poor baby" thing with me...Oh for sure they were kind to me when I would hit the wall again and again as they told me to get use to it! That it really is a hard world out there, but as soon as I wavered and said I din't think I could, each and every one hit me again and again with the reality of life as a female on this planet. Sorry Sister! It is NOT easy to be a female and if you are starting a day late and a dollar short then it is doubly so! So! if you still want to do this then you are going to have a butt load of work to do and the bar to success is damned high! Thought there at the start they were so kind as to spare me the knowledge that the bar not only is high but that it also gets higher and higher with each and every leap!! And by the way? I flat our refuse, as did they to ever use the word "passing!"This is Yoda Time! It's "do or no do, there is no try!"

Interestingly, I find years later having taken their advice and done the hard and painful work, that I can sum up their years of combined wisdom into a single paragraph! The key to success? The path to living as a woman just as any other woman alive?

Are you ready?

Do you want to know?

I mean do you really want to know?

Are you sure?

Ok! You asked for it!

When you are read as other than a woman, you go home, you cry, then.... well... then? You get your sorry ol' ass up off the sofa or out of the bed, you dry those tears, you go into your bath turn all the lights on and you take a really really hard and long look into the mirror to figure out where it is that YOU, not the world, but YOU missy screwed it up! Then? Why, you fix it of course! And you do what ever it takes to fix it and you do it again, and again, and again, and you keep on doing it until you get it right... Then when you finally have that mastered? Then you move on to the next thing, and the next, and the next!

There it is! The very simple and very real recipe for success in living life as a woman! A recipe by the way that all women, both those born with and without history must practice! Yes that's right... simply being born with a coochie between the thighs does not confer any particular great insights into how to live as a woman among women! So for certain,  having lived till now as a man and then your getting a coochie grafted onto your body does even less in the way added insights!! You see, becoming a woman is a learned process and it takes decades to master and that can only happen AFTER you have the right plumbing!

So guess what? Bad news honey! If you find yourself starting the process decades behind the eight ball? Do you really think that sitting there whining on the internet to the choir, or wasting your time in a "we can't" support group talking about how the mean ol' world is transphobic... is ever gonna fix it for you?

Does that sound hard?

It is!

Does that sound harsh?

It is!

Does that sound like it takes time?

It does!

But it is the truth! And the truths about life rarely comes in a pretty pretty feel good packages... Truth is often hard and ugly but it is the truth and if you are willing to do the work to get there... Then there is a world waiting for you that is so far past wonderful that it will take your breath away!

So? there you have it! You too now have the sure fire, works every time recipe for success! Now, do you suck it up and muck on through till it's done, as all the rest of the women do? Or, do you revert back to your learned male privileged thinking and curse the world for not turning on your as it's axis?


Do whatever it takes to live in the real world till you die old and happy!
Or you do you hide in the ghetto licking your wounds till you just die....

Bottom line the choice is yours!


Saturday, September 24, 2011

Running the Race?

She always knew she should run. As a young girl and well before she was told she couldn't, she took such delight in running! The feeling of the wind rushing by her face and the burn in her chest as she ran and ran and ran... It was heaven! But alas, running wasn't considered to be lady like! Particularly for a girl of her station! So as she grew from a little girl into a young woman the social pressures mounted and she learned to suppress her need for running to that of a slow walk. Walking first to school until acceding to her mother's wish and driving... and for a few years, blissfully out of reach, she walked to class while in college, and of course she walked to the alter... Why she even walked to the car that took her to the hospital where she would have her two children, and every time she walked, short as it was, she sadly remembered her need and love of running.

One day, the kids at school, her husband at work, the old need simply became too much... So she drove to a park in a distant town, put on her trainers and took to her heels. Alas time is cruel and it will take back those things which are not used, and so it was with her! Her once limber legs had grown stiff and her lungs ached after only a few hundred yards... But beneath the stiffness and her gasping for breath, her limbs weakly whispered... run... run... run! So she went back to the same little park the next day and the next and the next each day after that! Pushing herself each time just a little further, a little faster as her body slowly adapted again to the running...

Then came the day she had been dreading... The day when she had to tell her husband what it was she had been doing these past few months. Despite her diligent care and her attempts to hide her running, she had been seen by one of the neighbors! With the small size of their social circle it wouldn't be long before he found out! So sick to her stomach she tried to make it as painless for him as possible... She fixed him a wonderful meal and all through it she lauded him for his selfless work in taking such good care of her and the children! Prattling on about what a great husband and father he was... but in the end, there really wasn't a good way to say it, so she just said it.

 "Honey? I've taken up running"

To say he was shocked by this outrageous pronouncement was an understatement! He sputtered, bellowed and stormed, Why hadn't he given her everything? What could she possibly lack for that she would embarrass him so! I really don't think it mattered what she said at this point, as lost as he was in his anger, berating her again and again for being a fool and an imbecile! Still, despite the horrible pain he was inflecting she knew she could never stop running. This was who she was and she had to run... or she  knew she would die! Needless to say that night she slept alone! Just as she would till the day he left her...

Telling her mother was even harder, Her mother after all had tried so hard to make her life better than her own had been.. Sparing no expense and doing all she could to make her daughter into the perfect wife! She worked and slaved so that her daughter would become this lovely and delicate flower of womanhood, fluent in all the social graces and the tasks which are expected of women! All of which she did with style and ablomb. She knew she had been good clay and she had indeed become the perfect woman in all respects! So for her to take up something so... so... unseemly and... well common was beyond the pale! But unseemly or common as it might be, she would not and could not be deterred... She had to run!

Her mother, feeling totally betrayed after all she had given her daughter, as had her husband and the rest of the family, turned her back on her. Leaving this lovely hot house flower homeless, childless, and all alone out in the cold! Seeped in pain and trying to make her way in a world she had no experience in, she vowed to do what she must do! She ran! While food might be in short supply at times, as was often a place to live, still she had to run... Each and every day she was taking it further and faster... The pain from the loss of her children, her world and her family driving her on to do her best... Oh my yes! Was the price for her to run high? By comparison a pound of flesh would have been next to nothing of what had been asked of her! But the need to run simply could not be tamed... She had to run!

She ran through the dead of winter. Fighting the cold that sank into her bones and made them ache, just as she ran in the heat of summer whiles the heat from the pavement burning and blistering her feet. But free at last, there was no pain too great to deter her so on she ran... longer, further, faster... she ran and she ran...and she ran!

She felt she had wasted so many years of her life in denying this need and who she was! Though it had cost her more dearly than any could possibly know...still, bit by bit she took back what was lost! In fact she even bettered it on occasion... First she ran alone, then with great trepidation she ran with a few others who talked her into running in the local races which she to her surprise she won! Then came the larger ones... She had to work all the harder now but in time she would go from jsut finishing to placing to winning, even there she was winning! But win or not, what was important was that she ran and she ran! Not because she had something to prove or even that it had cost her so dearly, but because she simply had to run!

In time she even made the Olympic team! That certainly wasn't at all what she set out to do... She had run simply because she had to run, but having paid the terrible price she did to run, she knew she had to give it her all... After all, she had put everything she had on the line to  do this! She had sacrificed mightily but at long last the efforts were acknowledged, an offer given, and so here she was... An equal among the best of the best... She was a Runner!

The day of the event finally came... The gun went off and she ran... Oh how she ran! Running harder than she ever had before! Pushing herself far beyond whate ven she thought even she could do! Then in utter disbelief that it could even happen, the pack quickly receding behind her! With her heart racing, she was doing what everyone in her life told her was impossible... Despite their nay-saying, despite the struggles and the pain, she was not just running... She was winning!

There! Up ahead! With her energy all but spent, she caught sight of the ribbon! Oh My God! It can't be can it? But it was! There it was and that ribbion was hers and hers alone! The pay off for all the years of work and pain! She had given up her family and her social standing, she had accepted grinding poverty and the loss of her children and all of that was just about to bear fruit beyond her wildest dreams... She was that day, the best runner in the world!

But there, ahead of her, just a few feet from the ribbon, another "runner' stepped from the crowd, followed by another and another and another! In fact, it seemed the closer she got to the line the larger this crowd of "runners" grew! This was insane! Who were these people? Where were the judges? What could possibly convince someone that they had the right to enter this race ahead of her and only a mere feet from the finish? This was madness!

To her horror these "runners" took her ribbon and crossed the line ahead of her, leaving her well back of this new pack as she crossed the line... She wasn't the first now! Why she wasn't even in the top ten! "But but but" she stammered to herself as a huffing and puffing three hundred pound woman was lead over to the awards stand to receive her medal! That is, after three stout men pushing and pulling got her up there of course! The same was true for the second and third place "winners" too! Each a veritable bag of lard and each unable to even get up onto the stand by themselves! Yet they they were! Standing one two three with their medals round their necks! Grinning like fools while the audience by their applause signaled the approval of this charade! She felt her head swim... This was right out of some grotesque nightmare! It was she who had run this race not they! She and the other women who ran the race were now lost in the cheering crowd! Wasn't it they who had trained for this? Wasn't it they who had paid the blood price to even get here, much less to win? So who then were these people on the awards stands? These "running" imposters claiming her stage. getting her accolades and the acknowledgement of her sacrifice! Why one of them, upon getting down from the stand had to promptly set her large derrière upon her electric scooter as the walk back to their car was... well... too strenuous!

TOO STRENUOUS? TOO STRENUOUS? She was beside herself now! These people did nothing but stuff the last crisp into their mouths, down the last of their big gulp sodas then waddle across the finish line and it was they who were being hailed as the champions?

Too much! It was all too much! Alone and distraught she caught the bus back to town that night... Disbelief crowding out all other thoughts... Next to tears at what had been taken from her so rudely she entered her small shared apartment and turned on the TV.... There they were again! On every channel! The grinning "winners" A whole bus load of couch potatoes claiming that because they had wanted it, they were owed the work she had done to reach that finish line when they'd done none of it! Reporters idiotically and eagerly thrusting their hungry mikes into these pudgy faces as the imposters gladly accepted their victory and extolled the fact that "one really doesn't have to actually run the race to win the race!"

It was all too much! So she reached over turned off the set and went to bed! Distraught or not, over the next few days, then weeks and months, she went back to her same old routine... Her getting up at the crack of dawn well before her long day at work to put in five or so miles. running whenever and wherever she could ! Running on the weekends and even at nights when she could! She ran... she ran and she ran. She ran just as she had ever since that day she set foot in the park that first time.. giving it her all... And always, just to get that feeling the joy of the wind in her face and in her limbs stretching to reach the road!

Meanwhile the winners to that race and the next and the next became media darlings! Traveling round to colleges and being paid well to give lectures on how racing and running were not really connected and that all that mattered was in getting a good place to stand really really close to the line so that it was easy to cross! In fact they renamed the sport! After all, as they saw it, running as a word was... too... well... aggressive! Besides "running" really didn't describe what it was they were doing to win these races! They weren't runners they were "locomotes" and Locomote was a much better word than running cause it includes everyone who moves upright in some form or other It includes all those who walk, amble or even those who roll... and of course,  so very graciously it even includes those few benighted souls who still, for reasons that elude,  run!

Why they even started their own lobby in DC... The NALA The National Association of Locamotives of America!  After all there were still many many race-ists out there who thought that these race things should require one to run in them the whole way, rather than saunter, sashay or stroll cross the line! Their rally cry became "We are the locomotes! We're loud and we're proud! Get use to it!" (shouted only in short gentle bursts of course as to do other wise required way too much breath!)

For a while she protested the insanity, but it was often only her weak voice against the legions of locamotes and they readily shouted her down as a hater and a running elitist! Why it seemed they were suddenly everywhere! You could hardly turn on the TV or open a magazine without seeing a locamote begin featured! They even organized special conventions of locamotes all over the nation! They would gather in these grand hotels for a long weekend of slow ambling, jaunting and circumambulation with lots and lots of finish lines simply everywhere so no one ever felt left out of the winning! Aftewards there would be huge lavish feasts cause we all know that getting out of a chair is so darn much work!  Once sated the feasts would be followed by rousing inspirational speeches given by the newly minted Phd's who'd just gotten their degrees in locomotive studies! Eachof which was in essence a long rambling thesis's about how everyone is a locamote in someway somehow!

Mean while, she just kept on doing what she has been doing before all the fray. She ran and she ran. Doing exactly what she had done before simply because she had to do it! And if on occasion upon hearing herself called a locamote and she got angry and kicked a news box or TV... well... try to be kind cause you know how those runners are!


Monday, September 12, 2011

Gee, How DO you to tell an Apple from an Orange?

Well Kiddo's, one of our most favorite-ist of Blog-O-Stan activists. Who, possibly inspired by my so very humble efforts of late to elucidate, that most of the things the deluded insist are the same, are in fact very different? Well that same activist done went and pulled out one of their all time favorite Transsexual erasure tools in reply! The Front-Loaded Concept! Front-Loaded Concept you say? What the heck is a Front-Loaded Concept and what has that to do with Apples and Transsexuals?

Quite simple dear ones!  Front-Loaded Concept is making a statement or question that can only be replied to by putting the recipient into a lesser... or socialogically speaking, a one down position VS one up! Confused? Here! Let me illustrate the concept for you!

Say I walk up to a random man on the street and say, "So, When did you stop beating your wife?" Assuming he's not from one of those scary Jerry Springeresque family trees with no forks in it. He is going to sputter and spew and deny up one side and the other (we hope!) that he has never, ever, beat his wife! Likely as not, that is the case, but... BUT! By my putting this to him as a front-loaded question, an indelible stain was cast upon the poor man that yes, he really must have beat his wife some time no matter how he answers the question! Deny it or confirm it, he is still replying to the question of when did he stop beating his wife which implies that at some point. He must have beat his wife or else, how could he possibly stop?

Got it?

Good... Now take a little gander here! Autumn Sandeen  has used this Trans-Activist favored  bit of linguistic sophistry yet again to say "why we all just gotta be one big Ol' happy family, no matter how different we are," and Autumn has done it by comparing all of us to apples!

Why Miz Know It All! Have you lost your cotton picking mind? How could that possibly be front loaded? What could possibly be malevolent about Autumn agreeing with exactly what you have been saying all along! That we are indeed different, and then comparing us and our many many differences to all the many many different kind of apples?

Simple Kiddies! Remember that old saying "Comparing Apples to Oranges?" Well that old saw becomes a front loaded concept designed to make the recipient wrong no matter what they say.... When... one leaves out that little itty bitty pesky "oranges" part and makes it all about comparing apples to apples! Well of course apples are apples! Duhhhhh! No fooling Autumn! Be they Crab Apples or or Miz Know It All's absolute fave, the Johnson Winter Apple.. Yes they are all apples! Why even that tiny hard acorn sized proto-apple still found in the Tian Shan Mountains on knee high thorn bushes are apples! So no matter if they are big or small, green, red, yellow,  and every color of the rainbow between, they are ALL apples!

But! compare all the apples you want cause they ain't never gonna become no oranges! 

Nice try Autumn! Hate to tell you but you gotta get up a lot earlier in the morning if you think you can push that old trick past Miz Know It All! Oh, and by the way? An orange ain't an apple and a sausage  ain't no taco, no matter how you tuck it!


Sunday, September 11, 2011

This too will be on the Test!

Morning Campers!

Well I must say! Miz Know It All is so very very proud of you for the hard work you put in on your last lesson! So what do you say? Shall we move on to another lesson which all to often seems to be forgotten here in Blog-O-Stan? Even though it like the other will be on the test! Good I love your spirit! Ok here goes.. These are Kiwis! They are sorta egg shaped, usually come in pairs though some times there is only one and they are all fuzzy on the outside and in the hand they are sorta firm but be careful as they are very very easily bruised!

BananaNow this is a Banana! It too is firm to the touch like the Kiwis, but unlike the kiwis, it is very smooth on the outside and unless the banana is VERY ripe, it can stand a little rougher handling than the Kiwis but only to a point! After which the poor banana will be left a bloody mess! So remember! Always treat your banana with care!

Oh My y'all are so observant! Yes, like yesterdays lesson these two things are indeed different! But... they are so very very good together that you will almost always find a pair of kiwis hiding right down under a happy banana just waiting to be consumed! In fact, a banana is alway so much better with a pair of kiwis, why most days it almost seems they grew together!

But here is the tricky part... There is scandalous rumor going round Blog-O-Stan that if one takes the two kiwis away from the banana... That the banana... well it stops being a banana! I know shocking isn't it?I mean it may not be a tasty and it may be over looked for say a banana that does have it's tasty kiwis still with it but clearly it is still a banana isn't it?

Oh but hold onto your hats little ones as there are a few wingnuts who claims that a kiwi-less banana stops being a banana and becomes a taco! I know I know... hard to believe someone could say such a silly thing isn't it but as all of you know! There are some very strange fellas that live on the fringe of Blog-O-Stan and they are likely to say the darndest things! (you can usually tell them cause they are wearing an aluminum foil liner inside their beret to keep the CIA from reading their thoughts!

So lets review shall we? This is a pair of _______?
And this is a ________? Banana
and this is a________?

Why you got it right with your very first try! I'm so proud of you! ! Yes The first was a pair of Kiwis! The second was indeed a Banana and the last part which you remember from yesterday is indeed a Taco! My you are all so very smart, I bet you all get an A+ on your tests!

That's it for today, so run outside and play but be careful cause there might be a few of those a banana without a kiwi becomes a taco folks hanging round the playground and who knows what sort of crazy things they might do!


Saturday, September 10, 2011

This will be on the Test!

Morning Campers!
Miz Know It All has had such a great vacation! I mean between her avid participation in the nude volleyball finals and then her entertaining "Thor!" Why... She just hasn't had a moment to spare!

But alas it  is September up yonder in the Nawthen Hemispheah! Time for pencils books and lots of teacher's dirty looks, and being the kindly woman she is! Miz Know It All has decided to give all of you a little crib sheet for something that she knows will be on the test but which seems to evade oh so many here in Blog-O-Stan!

The difference between a taco and a sausage!

This My Darling Campers is a Taco... Can you say Taco? Good! I just knew you could! Lets say it together shall we? Taco! Very Very good! I'm so proud of you all!
Now this Dear Campers is something very very different.. it's a Sausage!
I know, I know... that's a kinda scary and much longer and harder word to say... and if it is at all like Thor's Sausage was, it is much longer AND harder period... But lets break it down shall we? Sau-sage! Don't worry I know it looks really big and scary particularly when you are all up close to it like this, but it really is an easy word to handle! Just wrap those mental fingers around the word and say it like this! Saw-Say-Gee! Good! But let me add that unless you hail from Mississippi lets try is again dhall we and this time soften the Gee sound on the end... Sausage! Very good! My My My! what Smart Campers you all are! You got it right the very first time! Sausage!

Now I want all of you to study these two very very different things really really hard and, why, I just know you will get it! See the sausage? See? It is all long and round and unless it is very very hot it is kinda all dangly and soft to the touch... Which you will note the Taco is not! The Taco is small and compact and full of all kind of rich juicy goodness contained between two tasty outer leaves and the Taco does not change texture or shape like the sausage does when it gets hot but it does get a whole lot juicer!... (refer back at the pictures if you have to)

So do we have it yet?  My I certainly hope so cause THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST and Miz Know It All will be terribly disappointed if her oh so very smart Campers can't tell the difference between two things that are so very very different!

Well that is all we have time for today Campers and I know you all want to get right to it so I am going to leave you to your studies!
So for now,

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Too much to ask...

Daddies home! Daddies home!
For Angela, those were the two sweetest words in the whole wide world! "Daddies home!" It meant she would have a brief reprieve from her brothers, the twins, Tommy and Tim... While they really were two separate boys, she knew it to be the case having seen them more than once on either side of her. It still seemed they were really one hateful and dirty creature rather than two, Two years younger than her they seemed to be a thing made up of four arms, four legs and two of the dirtiest heads god ever put on this earth! All rolling around in a cloud of dust like a cartoon animal... And their favorite pastime? Other than tormenting each other? Was in thinking up new ways to torment her! She'd found her favorite doll Sherry headless behind the Camillas a larger than doll sized wooden stake in her little doll chest.!She's found her pretty new pink top with the sparkles on it that she had gotten for her birthday lying in the driveway wet and ruined by that big ol mud puddle and the car tires.... Oh, sure, she loved her brothers, well she sorta loved them sometimes, like when they were sound asleep or when they were not at home and she was, but she loved them the most when the bestest part of the day rolled round and she heard them cry out Daddies home!

Angela would run shrieking from where ever she had been hiding from the twin menaces. and with a quick hop and a jump she would be nestled high off the ground in her daddies outstretched arms out of their reach! His face rough with his five O'clock shadow, his hands equally rough from his work. He would gently cradle his daughter into his arms and with her giving him her usual quick peck on his cheek he would reply with a peck on the top of her head and a big long squeeze, Then they would start the "Whadda ya get me" game. A game they never tired of!

"Wadda ya get me daddy?" She would ask with her face screwed up on a fake pout! "Whadda ya get me? Wadda ya get me?" Of course he would reply "noooothing!" She would squeal "Nuhh Uhh!" Her fake pout breaking into a broad grin and a few giggles... "Wadda ya get me daddy?"She would ask again! "Noooothing" came the reply! She would beat on his chest with her tiny hands! "Wadda ya get me daddy?" They would continue this back and forth for far longer than the twin menaces attention span would allow... bored, as they were with anything that was not in immediate risk of catching fire or exploding they would wander off in search of new mischief, or the cat. Which ever came first was just fine with them!. 

All the while Angela would be there sitting in his strong arms. Her asking "Wadda ya get me daddy?"and laughing. Him replying "nooooothing" and shis eeming to be more and more cross with her as she made each new request, Cross that is if you were to ignore the edges of a smile that flickered at the corners of his mouth. Which of course  she saw and it prompted even more squeals from Angela!

Finally he would make a big show of his "anger!" Set her gently down on the ground, and from one of his deep and mysterious pockets would emerge some little trinket that had been just that second been turned into the most valuable of jewels by  the magic of it  being drawn from those pockets by his broad strong hands!

He would leave her there standing in wonder. He would then wander into the kitchen where her mother was preparing dinner. They would have their little smooch and hug and he would lovingly pat his wife on the fanny before he went upstairs to the bath to wash up. Her mother would call out. "TIm! Tom! Dinners ready... Angela? Would you set the table?" Angela reluctantly would set down her new treasure, out of reach of the menace of course. Go in and do her one evening chore. Which was to set the table while her mother was  getting the dinner out and trying her best to get the twins separated and at least clean enough to say she had tried...

Daddy would come back down stairs, his face clean and wet, His hands clean too, even though there was always a faint line of dirt under the nails that seemed to resist even the most harshest of scrubbings... She would sit down to Daddy's left. Her Mother to the right where Mother could could serve the dinner and keep the twins within arms reach. After Daddy said the prayer. Mom would pass Daddy the huge bowls from which he would spoon some onto Angela's plate, his own, and then the twins in that order as Mom hopped up again and again for the things she had forgotten or for a towel to clean up the milk the twins would spill at every meal

To the outsider this might seem like a scene of total chaos, but to Angela it was heaven as she and her Daddy sat there in the eye of this hurricane and talked together about their days... She would relate to him all the events of school... Who was in trouble and who wasn't and who she liked and who she didn't... He would listen raptly to her as she rambled on and on... and all the while she prattled she was basking in the glow of her Daddies love!

All too soon for her, dinner would end, She would get up to help mom to clear the table, they would watch the twins all arms and legs and new energy from dinner pile out the door into the growing twilight with the unspoken hope that they would come back alive, and daddy? Well he would make a big show of pushing back from the table with a groan. He would slowly get up and with a burp or two, amble off to the living room where he would retire to his easy chair to read the evenings paper and watch his program... It was their families evening routine, it never change,m  and she loved every bit of it... Especially at the very end of the night. After Mom had won her nightly battle  with the twins and had gotten them clean and corralled into bed and the door to their room closed. She would come tuck Angelina in for the night. Then it was Daddies turn. He would come to her room, this giant of  man and with way more animation than he displayed anywhere else in his life. He would sit on the side of her protesting bed and read her a bed time story...
He had been doing this with her ever since she could remember. Sitting there on the right side of her bed, reading her all sorts of stories about magical kingdoms, lovely princesses and brave knights in shining armor!  She would lay there all snug  under the covers, listening to his deep voice rumble through the springs of the bed. As sleep was drawing close she would lean into his hard thigh while in her minds eye. Each and every one of these knights and kings he read about would become him! Each of which would be filled with the task of rescuing her from the highest tower or the meanest dragon. Which usually looked remarkably like the twins! Right down to the two heads! At last sleep would come, he would turn out the light and with a peck on her forehead and a final pull at the bed covers he would turn and leave...

This was their daily routine right up into high school when she discovered boys and they discovered her. With that, her and daddy's game became slightly different... Now it was him doing his level best to keep her chaste with her virtue intact, and her pretending she neither wanted, nor needed either of those pesky things! Of course they fought about it... "Daddy! I'm almost grown now!" She would whine... He would say that she was not to date any boys until she was older,  "like 90" would be his usual starting age and she would run to her room and slam the door! From the bottom of the stairs he would shout up at her. "Don't slam the door!" Usually after she had  gotten up from her bed and slammed it twice more just for the effect... They would repeat this new version of the game at least once a day if not twice for good measure... Oh sure she knew she was way older  and so much smarter than he ever gave her credit for... Why she was almost a grown woman wasn't she? So why did he still treat her like his little princess? "Humph!" Oh yes she was oh so worldly and wise, at least she thought so and as chafing as it was to have him holding her back. She still loved her Daddy dearly and she even loved that he was still her protector... her knight in shining armor! Though she would have died rather than to say something so mortifying to his face!

She survived adolescence as did he, and college time came for her as it did for all her her peers. So with great excitement and more than a little trepidation she left home for school. Ready to face the great wide world as a woman! These days, what with Daddy not really having much to say and him not liking to talk on the phone much. Most of her familial conversations were with her mother . Though she still thought of her Daddy when she fell asleep at night. So she would ask Mom how he was and what he was doing... Mom would tell her that all was well and that he was still just the same.. Well that is what she would tell Angela about him, after she had recanted the most recent tale of woe about the twins and their most recent brush with trouble...

Life was good for Angela. Her classes were going well, She was surrounded by new friends and she was semi serious about her newest love, Henry.  He was that brown eyed tall dark haired boy she had met in chemistry and she had been immediately drawn to him! So, during one of her bi weekly talks with Mom she broached the subject of her bringing Henry home to meet her and Daddy.... Mom stopped talking about the weather and the twins getting detention! In fact she stopped saying anything at all, then to Angela, behind the noise in the hall and the static on the line she thought she heard her mother crying! Mom! She exclaimed!" Are you all right? Is Daddy OK? Henry really is a nice boy and I know you and Daddy will like him as much as I do!" Mom got out a few staccato bits, it was clear she was crying and hard, then at last found her voice... She said, "Angela, Things are not going well here between your father and me and I think it best if you don't bring Henry home just yet. I'm sure he is a very nice boy but  right now is not a good time!" Angela was shocked! "Are you and Daddy getting a divorce? Is he sick?" Her mind was racing and none of the questions flooding her were thoughts were anything she wanted answered to the positive!

"No... Angela... I... Your father..." Mom dissolved into tears again... Angela waited and held onto the receiver with all her might! Trying to will something good to come down from the aether to change what ever it was that was so dire! At last Mom got her sobbing under control and resumed... "Angela, I really don't know how to say this, so I am going to say it straight out... Your father has lost his mind! He came to me about two weeks after you left and said "he was a woman!"

Of all the horrible things that had crossed her mind in the last five minutes. THAT one certainly wasn't among the lot!  "He what?" Angela exclaimed! "Daddy thinks he is a WHAT?" "Mom, you're kidding, right? It's something else, What are you not telling me, did he cheat on you? Is he sick?" Trying to fit the image of that lumbering bear who was her father into one of her mothers house dresses was just not working for her! Daddy, a woman? it was like trying to imagine the twins dressed in suit and tie and staying that way for more than five minutes... It just wasn't going to happen... "Mom, really! What is going on?" She asked again.

"I know how hard it is Angela!" Mother said. "He came to me and broke down in tears and said he had been fighting this all his life, that he was a woman inside and now that the twins were about to leave home and as you were gone he couldn't fight it any more!" Mom got all that out in one big rush and then resumed her crying... Angela was leaning against the wall, the pay phone now limp in her hand, her mouth agape... Daddy?

Henry went home to his folks that holiday, and she went home to her's. Mom met her at the station and neither said a thing about why Daddy wasn't there to greet her... Neither of them wanting to broach that subject. To put that unspeakable weirdness into the car with them... So they drove off in silence to the house... and as they pulled into the driveway. Mother turned to Angela and said " Try to be nice Honey... I know it's going to be a shock but he is still your father! I know it will be strange but he still looks like the same as he did, but I want you to be prepared because when I left to pick you up he was wearing that wig of his and he and putting on woman's clothing as he has been doing at home now for the past two months..." Angela's heart was in her throat! She had been trying to put this day out of her mind ever since Mom had broken the news about Daddy, but the day she dreaded had still came anyway... She and mom went round to the rerf or the car and together they struggled with her luggage, which as was expected was filled to overflowing with her dirty laundry and hard as it was to move, neither said a word more.. They entered the house. The house that not too long ago had been her life long haven and her refuge and her home, but which now felt alien and cold...Thank god he wasn't there in the front room... She jsut wasn't ready for this yet... Daddy? Daddy in drag? Her Daddy?

He came out of the guest bedroom just as they were struggling to get the laundry into the basement...  There he was, just as Mother had said he would be! Her Daddy... He beloved Daddy! He was dressed in a way that to her made him like a fool. his long hard legs wrapped in stockings and heels, sticking out of from an obviously second hand skirt which did them nothing good for them at all. He was wearing some sort of frilly blouse on top of that which made his shoulders seem all the larger and more ridiculous... and that wig... Oh My God.. That wig! It looked like he had parked a dead cat he had found on the road on the top of his balding head!  When he made a move to reach out and to hug her, she tried to move away but there was no room in the cramped hallway to escape his huge arms. So she closed her eyes and mumbled "Hi" as he pulled her tight against the fake breasts moving around in "His Blouse..." she shuddered, a clod chill going down her spine and she said nothing more...

That dear ones was the high point of their holiday which went down hill from there and quickly! Daddy kept on trying to be the man of the house as if nothing had happend but he did it while looking like a rummage sale Milton Berle in drag and she wanted no part  in this horrible charade of his. And she said as much in the most cutting way she could. Mom said little to either of them. Other than to make a bit of small talk now and again. Thought it seemed she had a coffee cup always in her hands that week and on occasion there was even a bit of coffee mixed in with the alcohol. The twins had only shown their still dirty and just starting to get hairy faces for the holiday meal. Then they departed as fast as they could. Laughing as they ran out the door to go stay the week with friends about what a freak their dad had become. For the first time ever Angela truly wanted to join them. To flee from this unnameable weirdness that filled their home and to never look back... So she and Mom spent most of the time hiding in the basement or out shopping... Doing anything to keep from hearing the tick tick tick of Daddy's high heels on the floor above them when he got up to adjust the TV...

Thankfully, after what seemed an eternity and longer, this Holiday ended.  It was Mom who drove Angela back to the station and as they had for a week, They talked of little things...The weather, her school work, Mom's garden, they talked not knowing or caring what was said really just to keep at bay the horrible silence that neither wanted to hear...At the station, Angela got her ticket, gave her mother a peck on the cheek and as the tears began to fall down her cheeks she rushed into her mothers open arms and gave her a deep long hug... Both of them were in tears by now. Both knowing but not saying that this is would be the last time either would be who they were where they were... Neither wanting to break their hold on the other until her train was announced and she had pull away or be left behind...

Angela went back to school that day in silence and shock..  The weather had finally turned cold and there was a light snow on the ground when her mother wrote to her two weeks later to say that Daddy was leaving and  they were getting a divorce. She couldn't take it anymore... What with the constant pull on her as she tried to hold onto the husband she had married. The constant fights they had when it became clear she couldn't. She wrote about how much she was missing the strong man she married. What an embarrassment he had become, and she even admitted that she was drinking now just to make the pain go away... None of it was a surprise to Angela. She felt pretty much the same as her mother... She too was in morning for the father who was no more. Her grades slid for the rest of the semester. To the point where she was called into admissions and told she was at risk of loosing her scholarship... She and Henry of course had broken up right after she had gotten back to campus. Allegedly for him being a jerk with a wandering eye for that co-ed down the hall, as she could not find it in her to say what really was the problem...and with this weighing on her shoulders, for the next six months she coldly spurned the advances of any other male that came within twenty feet of her! She wanted nothing to do with their species right now! If her beloved Daddy could do that to her, then what could or would any other male do... How could she ever trust one again?

Nor did she want to return to the scene of the crime either. So come the next holiday, she wrangled an invite to a friends house for skiing she said, though it was really just so she would not have to go back home... She just couldn't face her Mother alone in that house full of ghosts. The twins having dropped out of school and having taken jobs... And as for Daddy, he'd moved to an efficiency apartment on the south side of town, or so Mom said.. Not like Angela would ever find out in person! She was just too hurt and too shocked. So Daddy's letters to her went unopened straight to the trash and she hung up the phone every time she heard his voice on the other side trying to not sound like the man he was...

It took her a few semesters to work out her anger toward him, and toward men in general, Which was followed by a few fiery and disastrous flings with baddest of the bad boys, as she tried with sex to excise the image of her father and that horrible holiday week from her head. Finally, during her last semester at college she met and fell in deeply in love with John. He was tall and good looking, with broad shoulders and a wry smile. He was a gentle soul who gave her space and  who loved her so much he tolerated her random testing out bursts... but when he held her close and when kissed her hard upon her lips she knew him to be a man she could trust and so she would melt into him like she had melted with no other man before him... 

They were married a year later as she started work teaching and John began his graduate school... They had their first child followed two years later. A lovely little girl with golden curls, who would be followed by a boy and then another girl in quick succession... Her mother was there for each of the births and the two of them became close as the years went by and she found her mother to be a source of great strength and knowledge as Angela was sorely tested by three children so close in age... Of what became of her father she had no idea and frankly? She didn't want to know! He was not invited to the wedding nor were any announcements of the children's births sent his way. He was dead to her. In fact if anyone inquired of him she that is what she would say "he was dead." The story as she told was a truncated version of the truth. That after 20 years of marriage, her mother and father had a falling out, they had separated and he died quietly shortly there after. Then she would let the subject drop... Even John had no idea that he might have a father-in-law out there still be alive somewhere... Which was exactly as she wanted it to be!

Still, Angela feels a little pang of longing for her father now and again... She longs for who he was and for what might have been had he not lost his mind so.. Particularly when her daughter, who now at six, runs to her beloved father when he walks in the door, shrieking "Daddies home! Daddies home!"

Sunday, July 17, 2011


Morning Kiddies!
Just came across this little gem and felt the need to share it with all of you! Well actually, I felt a rather overpowering need to be quite ill first, but the feeling passed, along with most of my lunch, so sharing came to mind... among other things...

What our customers are saying about this Transgender/Fetish Prosthetic
"FemSkin has changed my life! I will never be the same."
"Not only do I look like A Real Woman, I feel like A Real Woman."
"When I touch myself, I can't believe. It feels so lifelike."
"I leave home with Confidence!"
"At last, I am curvy. Protruding breasts and full hips. Such a pleasure."
"Finally a product that does not require me putting on 4 or 5 devices to look shapely."
"This is the best purchase I have made in my life."
"I went out to a bar for the first time in years and looked & felt like a million dollars. Thanks for the free wigs too."
"Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!"

So there! I guess all  the inclusive folks were right to be so darn insistent. It's clear to me at last that you were right! It is all the same! CD, TV, TG, TS Early or Late, Why it's all just a matter of degree! This "gender issue" is NEVER about some masculine sexual fetish in wanting to play girl cause sexual fetishes NEVER enters the Trans-Picture ! Frankly I don't know why I have resisted so!  Isn't it obvious? We are all REAL WOMEN!

To all those who were so right to be so adamant about this... May I present a terribly underrepresented side to your lovely all inclusive umbrella and say; In the name of sisterhood, lets give em a big ol hearty welcome shall we? Why heck, I bet even Ol' Stick-in-the-Mud Uncle Al is going to want one of these to wear for the holidays once they all see "how it changes your life!"

Now, if you would be so kind as to excuse me, I'm feeling a little ill again...

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Too much to ask...

Brothers from a different mother, Buddies to the bitter end... or so they liked to say and it wasn't far from the truth! They met at one of those free-form parties which neither had been invited to... A party where they were both come already lightly toasted and both trying, quite unsuccessfully, to pick up the same woman! They always said the other "cock blocked" him and that but for the other, he would have had her but truthfully she thought them both a little drunk and not at all her type. So when neither got the girl...who left early with that good looking guitarist they both hated, they would wind up spending the rest of the night commiserating on the loss, and from that a new friendship was sparked.

They were friends!

At first it was one of those "what-are-you-doing-tonight" friend things that guys do... If one or the other was bored, he would call the other and they would be off to a bar or one of their homes and a few beers later they would simply talk. They talked about their jobs, their favorite sports teams their favorite sports, which actress had the best tits and who had the best ass and which one they would like to fuck! And of course they also lied to each other about their sexual conquests and they lied about their being rejected by women and they lied about all the things that men wish were better than they are, and as men will sometimes do, the talk and the lies drew them closer!

They were friends in need

Still they were young and foolish and neither had a clue what they were doing with themselves and the future, that was until Frank got that a letter from the President cordially inviting him to come play with the US Army in South Vietnam... Henry did everything he could think of that night to cheer his scared and depressed friend up... and so, after a case or two of beer, why it seemed perfectly logical to both of them that they should enlist in the US Air Force right that very moment, after all thats the kind of things that buddies like them did!

They were friends indeed!

They managed to make it into and through Basic Training together but when they got their MOS they found themselves stationed on different sides of the country but friends to the end. They stayed in touch and they found ways to get together when they could... That's why they have the same funny looking tattoo on their shoulder... Gotten that one drunken night Mexico when they were both on leave...  Their tattoo is a silly little thing, kinda blurry and splotchy looking but they both sport it proudly because they both have one. Even if they never tell the rest of the story about their also getting clap from that one-legged dollar whore, or their spending the rest of the night in jail together after that drunken brawl they started...

They were the best of friends

Still, the service did give them some modicum of guidance and they, eventually, as men will sometimes do, matured, well as much as men ever mature, and in time, both found love and both were married... First Frank found his Deborah, and with Henry by his side, both terribly hungover from the night before, he was married. Then Henry followed a year later when he found Alice and with Frank by his side. again both sporting the mother of all headaches! After all boys will be boys and so, Henry was married too.

They were friends to the end

Out of the service at last, they both found good work in the same town and of course, they settled in the same suburb, a block apart, where they went about their serious new careers as business men, as husbands and as fathers and through it all, their friendship deepened... They saw each other through the thick and the thin of it and there was a lot of both. Henry was there when Franks father died and Frank was there when Henry's mother died... They commiserated each other on the births of their children, and they of course commiserated with each other deeply about the lack of sex and sleep that comes with having kids! They were the kind of friend who helps the other to move without complaining more than necessary and of course, they helped each other with their cars... though Henry was always the one with more mechanical aptitude even if Frank made up for it by buying better tools!... Their wives were also close and their kids grew up as siblings, staying in one house or the other so often that it seemed some days Frank and Henry each had about twice as many kids as they could account for...

They were friends for life!

But something was changing and what it was, Henry couldn't quite lay his finger on.. Something was up with Frank! He looked pale and softer than normal and it almost looked like he had lost weight and it worried Henry! Oh sure they didn't spend as much time together as they had. What with their work and their families and so many places to be with them And sure, they had both grown a little portly, their hair thinning, their jowls a bit more "jowly." But they were still in pretty good shape for men their age, so The changed in Frank meant only one thing to Henry... Frank was bad sick, and worse, he was avoiding Henry and having to talk about it! Well that pissed Henry off big time! After all they had been through together! To think that Frank thought that Henry wasn't going to be there for him now! Henry would be there come hell or high water and if Frank lost his hair to chemo then Henry would shave his even before Frank had to!

They were friends to the death

So Henry did what only another man this close could have done... He asked him over on the context of needing help and once in the garage he confronted Frank! Henry was ready for anything and everything he could think of... But, he was not at all ready for what came next... Frank stammered and stuttered, Henry shoved another beer into his hands and pushed him harder and harder to fess up, and with that, the flood gates opened... Oh yes, Frank spilled his guts, which is what Henry had wanted but what he said left Henry stunned! His jaw on the floor...

They were friends in limbo

Frank was saying that he was a woman? At least that was what Henry thought he heard him say! No wait! Can't be! That doesn't make sense! What the heck is transgendered? You want to do what? You want to cut off your WHAT? Between men, the automatic response to a friend clearly going insane right in front of you was to make fun of it and try to get more beer into the insane one and Henry was trying his best with both but Frank was having none of it! It's real he said! I've been hiding it all my life! Henry though of his friend and all they had been through and then thought.  You old fool, if you were hiding it, you were hiding it pretty darn good!

They were friends apart

It was obvious to Henry that Frank had clearly lost his fricking mind and his friend was not going to let him go there without a fight! He tried every tack he could! What about your wife? What about your kids? What about your job and the plant? What about your home? What about sex? What about your Mother? He went down the list and of course the big unspoken question was... what about us? The beers he opened went undrunk and the questions only generated more questions~!

They were friends who are lost

Henry went home that night feeling as lost as he did when his mother had died, maybe more so! He tossed all night and was in a foul mood the next day at work. Screaming first a his wife and then at work at some poor kid about a stupid mistake and later having to find and apologize to both when he realized what he had done and why.. Hey, Frank was his friend and he was obviously delusional but he was obviously in pain too and nothing in their lives had prepared Henry for this! He was lost with out a map but he would try to find a way to help his friend!

They were friends estranged

A week went by and then another... They had not been apart this long since the service but Henry wasn't pushing it right now! Maybe if he left it alone he thought, Frank would come to his senses! Oh but it was not to be! Right smack at the two week mark on a cloudy Saturday afternoon Frank came over... Well it looked sorta like Frank if Frank was trying to be funny and dress in drag but it wasn't funny and Frank being like this made Henry feel terribly uncomfortable!   Henry was thankful he had been the one who had heard the knock in the hub-bub of the house and so it was he who met Frank at the door and invited him in, shocked but still managing to say, "Hey, Do you want a beer buddy?" To which Frank said no and my name is Helen not Frank or buddy... That sadly dear ones was the high point of their visit, which thankfully for both of them was short! What with all the kids, despite being yelled at constantly, finding reasons to run into the room and then back out giggling and Frank/Helen was not making it any easier with his wanting to talk, not about what this was doing to his family but about gender this and that and how his underwear now fit better and how hard it was to have to stand in line for the ladies room! All of which got a polite but very stunned "uh huh" and an "I bet" from Henry who wished with all his might that his friend would come to his senses then and there so they could laugh about this together! After all hadn't Franksuddnely turned into that same silly fop in a dress that they had both laughed about so many times before whenever a comedian on TV would do it?

They were friends we remember

Oh, the friendship didn't end suddenly or quickly... Henry, after all loved his friend or had loved his friend for most of their lives, so he tried... he tried to call him Helen, he tried to call him she and her but it was so stilted and so hard to do and he slipped often and "Helen"  every time it happened would snap back that she was a her and her name was Helen and he did it so often, that Henry woke one night in a cold sweat with those words of Helen's ringing in his ears!  Henry and Alice tried their best to help as best they could, first with the kids and Alice had been there for Deborah to cry on her shoulder more than once, but it was just not the same... Frank was not Frank, and this new person in his body called Helen was no one they would have sought out to befriend... So other than a bit of the sympathy they extended the night Deborah finally called it quits  and took the kids and left him. Henry and Alice seemed to always find a reason to be busy when Helen would call. Oh it was not mean and they really did want to try and understand but life was busy and it was so hard to be around "Helen" these days as he was all bitter and he wanted to talk for hours on end about trans this and gender that and all of it making no sense to them.,.. They wanted their friend back and it was clear that was never going to happen...

They were friends we forgot

He did mean a lot to them once and so Frank is still there in their photo albums and he and his family still hold a place in their hearts. So they send card with cash and small gifts to his kids at their mile stone moments and they even went to Ben's graduation. Deborah, despite her having been a good friend those many years was said to moved to the east coast where she had family and they heard that she has since remarried but they don't really know. Besides it's been more than a year since they heard from "Helen" and he never really wanted to talk about her even then! So, all in all. they chalk it all up as a lost cause. Sure, every-so-often... like when they see some one on the telly or a magazine who is turning themselves into a woman or a man. They are known to say "we knew a bloke like that once" and they say we aught to call Helen but they never do and when the conversations always peters out once the prurient factor is satisfied, the subject changes. After all, conversations about the dead, even if they do walk the earth, have a way of getting lost in the more important business of the living...

They were friends no more...

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Too much to ask...

Susan had married him when she was in her early twenties Funny, looking back now it seems to her she was so terribly young, little more than a mere babe in the woods with no business doing such a silly thing as marrying a man! Yet at the time it felt to her that she was an ancient, wise and worldly old sage full of the knowledge of all things. She wanted to reach out and shake her younger-self, to warn her and to say she was a fool but the memories never wavered and the reality that was now her's never changed

They'd had met at a coffee shop. She standing behind him in line waiting for her turn. He  had gotten his coffee and being young, male, brash and of course, in a complete rush had turned and run smack into her, spilling some of his oh so precious double shot espresso onto her skirt... What? Who? He thought! How dare someone cause him to spill his coffee! He was just about to give her the same verbal tongue lashing he gave anyone who dared to get in to HIS way when he found his gaze traveling from her shapely legs up past the growing brown stain on her skirt to her lovely breasts and her fresh young face...

When their eyes locked... his mouth still hanging agape with words that would forever go unsaid,  he knew in his heart of hearts that he was smitten and that he would have this woman as his wife! And so it was... The man in a rush and the woman with coffee on her skirt became he lovely young couple and they were were married five years later... Oh, the marriage might have happened even earlier, he had often asked but there were the usually fights to get past as well as the struggle of school and besides he really did want to finish with his training before marriage so she had quit school so she could work to support them both...

But the day came and it was quite the day indeed for not only was she to become his wife, she was also pregnant with their first child!

She was so in love

Life felt blessed for the both of them, though it was often a struggle. So little income and so many expenses but Susan came from a long line of strong women and she soldiered on! Working outside the home and in, with a child on first one hip and then later a second child on the other, she stood behind and beside her man as they built a life together...

She was so in love

Often she would find herself waking a few moments before him and the children, and there in the dark laying against him, her head cradled on his strong chest, feeling it rise and sink with his slow breathing... The musky smell of him rising from the bed clothes and the pressure of him pressing against her made her swoon all over again...

She was so deeply in love

Time went on as time is want to do...Their children grew and blossomed as the family moved upwardly. Passing from house to house, their twenties became their thirties and their thirties became their forties and still they were still considered by one and all to be the perfect couple... True they were no longer the pretty but naive children who married oh so long ago... It their place they had become that lightly greyed couple which Madison Ave. loves to use as the image of stability and security. A couple well on their way towards a golden anniversary when their friends, their children and their as of yet unborn grandchildren would gather round them in their home to wish them well for a long and happy life.

She was full of love

Alas things were not as blissful between them as they may have seemed outwardly. John, for that was his name, had been troubled these past few years... He had become sullen and withdrawn from her. Their couplings becomeing less and less frequent as as his intrest in "playing" rather than love making grew... She had never really liked "play" John was a  mans man after all and nothing about him was the least feminine! It was in part why she had been so attracted to him and it was the way she had wanted it... but still... she had been willing to go along with him and his "play." After all, she loved him with all her heart... So if he wanted to "play" these silly little sexual games now and again and it made him so happy, what harm could there be in it?

She knew love

Oh for certain this "play" did nothing for her, It seemed farcical if not downright silly, this desire to dress up and prance around the house in ill fitting womans clothing but he always was so excited by it and the lovemaking that followed, rare though it had become, was always lusty, hard and fulfilling so she went along with him for the most part. She even bought clothes for him for his birthday and Christmas just to see his face light up as it had once lighted up when he looked at her.

She remembered love

After all, it could be worse, she knew and knew all to well! He could be impotent as so many of his compatriots were, he could have become a cheating bastard and unfaithful to her like some of her friends husbands had. Or she could have found herself in the dark place some of the other wives had come to when their husbands over the years pulled them into some of their really weird sexual peccadilloes!

She was warm with love

Then came that day. That horrible horrible day when he "Confessed!" Oh she knew something was up...This was not the first time they had had a go round about his "play." His "play" had ebbed and surged as the years went by but each time it  returned it returned just a little stronger. He would become more and more emboldened with that and he had said he wanted to take it from their bedroom into the real world which she had resisted with all her might! Limit reached, she would threaten to leave him, he would purge his play clothes, swearing to her and all that was holy to walk the straight and narrow. For a time things would get back to being normal and her heart would grow for him again. But from experience she knew it wouldn't be long before he would start to wheedle at her, she knew she would relent and the cycle would start afresh. Still...

She was in love

But this day was not to be like their other go rounds... John began it by crying! Oh, he'd seemed odd and distant for months now... hiding his soiled play clothes from her. Coming in from work, feinting a head ache and going to the guest bedroom where he would log into the computer and stay on line long after she had gone to bed alone... So she was expecting the usual  was coming about his all consuming "play" and had her lions girded for that fight when John switched things and started by saying that he was a woman inside! That all they had loved and lived for the past three decades as a lie...

She was a woman numb with love

She felt the room spin and the ground beneath her feet shifted threatening to swallow her up whole... The words coming out of his mouth didn't register! This was her John, the father to her children, the man she had bedded all her life. How can he be standing here before her saying he was a woman? No this is just not possible! He is a man, he's her man! He was a mans man. A pillar of the community! A deacon of their church! A man to be reckoned with!

She was confused by love.

She wanted to scream NO NO NO! but her throat filled with sand and no words came out. Only a cascade of tears. Tears of loss of frustration and anger. He looked at her, the woman of his dreams. The woman who had given herself to him as his wife and mistaking her silence for agreement he bulled on! Some things never changed! The head strong brash young man was still there inside this old grey beard, still rushing head on and not looking where he was going. He started to explain to her how he was transgendered... that he had a feminine side that he needed to express. That it was all about his gender expression and that he needed to be a woman...

She felt her love dying

She shook with emotion, still no words came out... She was filled with more anger, hurt, shock and rage than she had ever known existed but none of it could get past her mute vocal cords... Seeing nothing but assent in her contiuned silence he blustered on... It will be great he said! It will be like my girl friends on line and their wives! Nothing will change, nothing will be different! I will still be your husband and the father to our children, only I'll betheir daddy as their other mommy! We will be a lesbian couple! We can shop together! It will be wonderful!

She felt no love at all

The image of him wearing that way too frilly outfit she'd gotten him in a weak moment came rushing back to her... Him, all tall gangly, stretching that sad little dress in directions no dress was ever mean to be stretched! THIS was what he was proposing?  He wanted to take this sexual embarrassment from their bedroom out into the world and he wanted to have her standing there at his side as he did it? What of their families? Their friends? Their neighbors? What would they think of him, of her of them? Oh my God! Their children! Did he think for one moment that he was going to drag them into this too? Over her dead body! They had a father! Where they suppose to know that he had this perversion? that he wanted to play dress up and go round the town pretending to be a woman? Did he think that he was in anyway womanly?

Her love was bleeding

He was her husband! Her lover, her friend.... what was to become of them? Did he think she would still desire him this way? This man she had loved, who's children she had born who was this very moment turning his back on them, on her, on everyone! The selfish bastard! The memory of their meeting came to her and in that moment she saw only that he had been a selfish and rude jerk, and wondered why she had given him the time of day?

Her love grew cold

At last she found voice,... it was the thought of all those years, of her children and of her loved ones and her dying love for him that broke through the shock and disgust she was feeling... A wounded woman her voice shrill as all these thoughts tried to pour out at once No, No, No! A thousand times no! She was not going to have this! He was breaking their vows. The vows that he had made to her before the world and their god. He was ripping her heart out and stomping on it for this? All their dreams were dust for this? Their lives had been a lie for this? She so wanted the man she had married to hold her, to make this horrible person standing before her in his body go away but it didn't happen... Her eyes were red from the tears, her thoughts a jumble her heart breaking... She had to not be here now! She had to be away! She turned from him. His protests falling on deaf ears... she had to get away, away... it was her only thought. away... She turned and ran into their bedroom slammed the door with all her might...

She had no love